Have you ever felt that weight that you can't shake. It's so heavy and it never goes away. You can't put your finger on it, but it haunts you. No amount of life can hide it. That's how I've felt. And I want out. I want Him.
I Him to be my focus. My everything. I can't do this without Him. Without You. I need You. I am nothing without You.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
My treasure Lord, You are.
I can get in the habit of listening to a song over and over again. Pretending that it never ends. Being prepared and ready to start the song from the beginning to where I hear no silence in the in between.
Being the music geek that I am, I realized something puzzling about myself. Something I don't want to be puzzling, but a well known fact.
Listening to all the indie, underground, never heard of, acoustic, outlandish bands I could ever hope for, never fills me. In fact, when I go through a season where I find bundles of new groups and talented artists, I feel without. I can make mix cd after cd and it satisfies me only for a while. Sing brilliant line after line and still feel unmoved and unchallenged.
But when I listen to a song such as the one above, I am filled. With unmeasurable love and faith. I am full in His presence and ready for anything that should come my way. Fully armed to love anyone who comes my way, because I can not possibly have room enough in my heart for it all.
Not enough room in my heart to hold the love of God.
Isn't it beautiful to think of how he loves us? That after seeing His creations, He thought, "I can do one better than this." We are Gods masterpiece. We are His final and best work. He molded us perfectly in His sight and in His image. How can we diminish a work of a God so talented.
God made the mountains and rivers, then He made you.
He made the sunsets and rises, then He made you.
He formed colors and scents, then He created you.
Something I keep thinking about lately is that He breathed into me. That I simply don't know what it's like to live without Him, because He is a part of my bones. His spirit, His love, His beautiful nature, His creative hands, His heart. They're a part of me.
God loves you so much.
Go and love someone so much. People need that kind of Love.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Beautiful.
How beautiful is our Creator. It amazes me still to look out the window, or out the object of separation from the world He created, and stare at His glory. That we wake. That we are breathing. That breathed in me. In me.
He deserves so much and asks so little. All of heaven rejoices in one found prodigal son. In one found daughter. And still, it is difficult to hear their praises. To see the sun shining through our tinted walls. To see His creation, and take a moment in silence simply to admire.
2 Samuel 7:18
18 Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said:
"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? 19 And as if this were not enough in your sight, O Sovereign LORD, you have also spoken about the future of the house of your servant. Is this your usual way of dealing with man, O Sovereign LORD ?
20 "What more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Sovereign LORD. 21 For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant.
22 "How great you are, O Sovereign LORD! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. 23 And who is like your people Israel—the one nation on earth that God went out to redeem as a people for himself, and to make a name for himself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out nations and their gods from before your people, whom you redeemed from Egypt? [c] 24 You have established your people Israel as your very own forever, and you, O LORD, have become their God.
25 "And now, LORD God, keep forever the promise you have made concerning your servant and his house. Do as you promised, 26 so that your name will be great forever. Then men will say, 'The LORD Almighty is God over Israel!' And the house of your servant David will be established before you.
27 "O LORD Almighty, God of Israel, you have revealed this to your servant, saying, 'I will build a house for you.' So your servant has found courage to offer you this prayer. 28 O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. 29 Now be pleased to bless the house of your servant, that it may continue forever in your sight; for you, O Sovereign LORD, have spoken, and with your blessing the house of your servant will be blessed forever."
Most beautiful prayer.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Oh! How He loves us!
I've spoken of this before. But it's been on my heart lately.
What do we do when we let people know all of us? When we really allow them to see our heart? We say, I'm trusting that you can love me and my faults now. I'm giving you the choice to love me regardless of my insecurities and faults, or to leave me. I love you enough, and I want to know if you love me enough.
It is so hard to let people in. We essentially are putting our hearts in the hands of another human, and that is dangerous enough. Cause all too often people choose to leave.
Someone asked me if I have anyone I can go to with everything. Everything on my mind, everything on my heart, and someone who knows everything about me. I couldn't say yes. It's hard to admit even, because I love when people open up to me, yet I can't do the same.
All too often, God get's put down as a God of rules. What they don't realize is that out God is a God with a broken heart. Everyday He puts His whole heart in the hands of His people, and get's put off till tomorrow, ignored, rejected, and to a world where He's given everything, He's given nothing.
What good has ever come from lying, cheating, hatred, lust, jealousy, and malice? I don't believe God puts laws in our life to keep us from having fun. I think it's because He is all knowledgeable, and wants to save us from our hurtful sinful nature that He has to witness everyday.
One of the hardest books for me to read is Genesis. It's where all of the different heartbreaks happen, and they happen to the one God that does nothing but Love. God didn't put the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden to taunt them, or to say you can have all this, except that. It was the first instant where God laid out His heart in front of them.
Genesis 3:8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
God allowed man free will. It wasn't just the will to obey Him, but to love Him. They had broken His heart with the one thing He didn't want for them. He didn't want the sin to enter the world, and the action that Adam and Eve took all of His gifts and poisoned them.
How is that for heartbreak?
Our God is a loving God. He wants nothing more than for us to recognize it and love Him back.
I want nothing more than to warm His heart. So when you are having a trialing day, turn to God. Because there is no one in the world who understands what you're going as well as your Father.
God says "Me too."
What do we do when we let people know all of us? When we really allow them to see our heart? We say, I'm trusting that you can love me and my faults now. I'm giving you the choice to love me regardless of my insecurities and faults, or to leave me. I love you enough, and I want to know if you love me enough.
It is so hard to let people in. We essentially are putting our hearts in the hands of another human, and that is dangerous enough. Cause all too often people choose to leave.
Someone asked me if I have anyone I can go to with everything. Everything on my mind, everything on my heart, and someone who knows everything about me. I couldn't say yes. It's hard to admit even, because I love when people open up to me, yet I can't do the same.
All too often, God get's put down as a God of rules. What they don't realize is that out God is a God with a broken heart. Everyday He puts His whole heart in the hands of His people, and get's put off till tomorrow, ignored, rejected, and to a world where He's given everything, He's given nothing.
What good has ever come from lying, cheating, hatred, lust, jealousy, and malice? I don't believe God puts laws in our life to keep us from having fun. I think it's because He is all knowledgeable, and wants to save us from our hurtful sinful nature that He has to witness everyday.
One of the hardest books for me to read is Genesis. It's where all of the different heartbreaks happen, and they happen to the one God that does nothing but Love. God didn't put the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden to taunt them, or to say you can have all this, except that. It was the first instant where God laid out His heart in front of them.
Genesis 3:8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
God allowed man free will. It wasn't just the will to obey Him, but to love Him. They had broken His heart with the one thing He didn't want for them. He didn't want the sin to enter the world, and the action that Adam and Eve took all of His gifts and poisoned them.
How is that for heartbreak?
Our God is a loving God. He wants nothing more than for us to recognize it and love Him back.
I want nothing more than to warm His heart. So when you are having a trialing day, turn to God. Because there is no one in the world who understands what you're going as well as your Father.
God says "Me too."
Thursday, April 30, 2009
They'll never take the good years.
Sometimes I wish I didn't analyze everything. That I could just do something because I wanted to. That I could even say the things I want to. Without any fear. That I could be selfish. That I could go after what I want. That I could actually peruse what I want. To give into my feelings and admit to them, admit that I actually have the right to feel. Feel anyway that I am.
The right to feel something...
So much of the time I feel like I'm not adequate. That I don't deserve to feel the way I do if it costs anyone
anything.
Anything at all.
I would rather bite my tongue and bite my heart than admit to something that I actually want. Because in some way I feel like I'm saving everyone. That if I'm the only one hurting, I've done my job correctly. If everyone around me is happy, and I lose, I still win.
It must be awesome to win once in a while. To get exactly what you want without feeling any unrest. But that's so unlike me. I could never go there.
I am sensible. I found that about myself with these past couple weeks. I am not impulsive in the slightest. I always think it through. Sometimes I think wrong, but I am quick to ask forgiveness.
God is my strength, He's the only reason I am able to break as much as I do and still stand. But something tells me that, along with my incredible family, God doesn't want me to live like this. I think He wants me to feel like I've won something a great deal more important.
I need rescuing. There. I said it. Now does anyone know where you can buy one of those.....
backbones.
Yeah, that's the word.
The right to feel something...
So much of the time I feel like I'm not adequate. That I don't deserve to feel the way I do if it costs anyone
anything.
Anything at all.
I would rather bite my tongue and bite my heart than admit to something that I actually want. Because in some way I feel like I'm saving everyone. That if I'm the only one hurting, I've done my job correctly. If everyone around me is happy, and I lose, I still win.
It must be awesome to win once in a while. To get exactly what you want without feeling any unrest. But that's so unlike me. I could never go there.
I am sensible. I found that about myself with these past couple weeks. I am not impulsive in the slightest. I always think it through. Sometimes I think wrong, but I am quick to ask forgiveness.
God is my strength, He's the only reason I am able to break as much as I do and still stand. But something tells me that, along with my incredible family, God doesn't want me to live like this. I think He wants me to feel like I've won something a great deal more important.
I need rescuing. There. I said it. Now does anyone know where you can buy one of those.....
backbones.
Yeah, that's the word.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Can you hear me now?
Why is it that with all our means of contact, with all our emails, chatting, phone calls, texting and phones that include all these means to keep in touch, leave us feeling alone.
I am not speaking soley of my emotion right now. I simply was faced with this question in my American Lit class this morning.
I'm not going to tell you...... actually I want to.
People need people!
We are born for relationship building! We need to miss people, know people, and love people. We need face time!!! There is no emotion in your fingertips, and worse than that, we expect truth to come to us in a matter of seconds. Where we disect the soundless jumble of words and suck them dry until we have no relationships with our friends, but with a 3" peice of plastic.
Think about it. When you are angry with your cyber friend and you both have your texting swords out, what ends up breaking? Your "relationship" with that person, or your phone?
What happens when face time happens?
Friend1: "Hey! How are you?"
Friend2: "Hey! I'm good how are you?"
Friend1: "I'm good how are you?"
Friend2: "You just asked me that..."
It doesn't mean anything. You don't mean it, so why would they answer with their actual feelings? And forbid they should actually begin to tell you about their day, you'd have to actually have a conversation. Actually care.
I am getting a little amped up right now so I'll just leave with this.
Next time you ask someone how they're doing. And they say good. Ask why they are doing good.
Caring... It's a good habit to get into.
I am not speaking soley of my emotion right now. I simply was faced with this question in my American Lit class this morning.
I'm not going to tell you...... actually I want to.
People need people!
We are born for relationship building! We need to miss people, know people, and love people. We need face time!!! There is no emotion in your fingertips, and worse than that, we expect truth to come to us in a matter of seconds. Where we disect the soundless jumble of words and suck them dry until we have no relationships with our friends, but with a 3" peice of plastic.
Think about it. When you are angry with your cyber friend and you both have your texting swords out, what ends up breaking? Your "relationship" with that person, or your phone?
What happens when face time happens?
Friend1: "Hey! How are you?"
Friend2: "Hey! I'm good how are you?"
Friend1: "I'm good how are you?"
Friend2: "You just asked me that..."
It doesn't mean anything. You don't mean it, so why would they answer with their actual feelings? And forbid they should actually begin to tell you about their day, you'd have to actually have a conversation. Actually care.
I am getting a little amped up right now so I'll just leave with this.
Next time you ask someone how they're doing. And they say good. Ask why they are doing good.
Caring... It's a good habit to get into.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Love.
Today, is the purest representation of Love that there is. It breaks down everything we've ever come to know. Those of you who have witnessed the sacrifice of one life for another has tasted this Love. A Love so besides itself, with one purpose, to save.
The love of the earth is hurtful, selfish, and boastful. It takes and gives nothing to fulfill it's lust and satisfy the hunger put deep inside from the one who lies.
But.
The Love of the world is pure. It is righteous and alive. It is in the smile of a child, the hands of the mission, and eyes of a new Father. Love has not fled this earth. It does not require relentless searching. For it is all around and all are capable.
I heard something that made me very sad in my American Lit class. Walt Whitman had a dream much like the ideal world. Where there was nothing but Love and understanding. Peace and Patience. Smiles and what everyone else called, ignorance. So many were ready to argue that the world will, and can never be the way Whitman wishes. That as humans, we are incapable of replacing our malice and hatred with Love.
Why not try?
The love of the earth is hurtful, selfish, and boastful. It takes and gives nothing to fulfill it's lust and satisfy the hunger put deep inside from the one who lies.
But.
The Love of the world is pure. It is righteous and alive. It is in the smile of a child, the hands of the mission, and eyes of a new Father. Love has not fled this earth. It does not require relentless searching. For it is all around and all are capable.
I heard something that made me very sad in my American Lit class. Walt Whitman had a dream much like the ideal world. Where there was nothing but Love and understanding. Peace and Patience. Smiles and what everyone else called, ignorance. So many were ready to argue that the world will, and can never be the way Whitman wishes. That as humans, we are incapable of replacing our malice and hatred with Love.
Why not try?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A feild report to You my God.
New music! New music! New music!
My ears are ringing with pure happiness. It could be that school is going awesome! Or that my family is growing closer again! Or it could be that the people closest to me are happy. And God! I thank Him that they are! Because, friendships are where my happiness is. Where Christ is at the center, there is trust. And He has blessed me with incredible people! I love people. And I love music. New music. Old music. All music.
New friendships is like new music in my ears. I like to study them, understand them, interpret them, and learn their voice so well that I can pick it out of a distant speaker. I love getting to know them. Their backgrounds, their influences, their dreams and goals.
How incredible is this life we live? Where does success come from?
ANSR: 1) BEYOND INCREDIBLE. 2) Relationships. A friend once told me that "one day, I stopped doing what I should do, and started doing what I wanted." Think about that.
Think of something you want. Something you really really want. Now. Believe you can achieve it. Believe it with all your heart. Now. Go out there... and get it.
1 Corinthians 16:13
My ears are ringing with pure happiness. It could be that school is going awesome! Or that my family is growing closer again! Or it could be that the people closest to me are happy. And God! I thank Him that they are! Because, friendships are where my happiness is. Where Christ is at the center, there is trust. And He has blessed me with incredible people! I love people. And I love music. New music. Old music. All music.
New friendships is like new music in my ears. I like to study them, understand them, interpret them, and learn their voice so well that I can pick it out of a distant speaker. I love getting to know them. Their backgrounds, their influences, their dreams and goals.
How incredible is this life we live? Where does success come from?
ANSR: 1) BEYOND INCREDIBLE. 2) Relationships. A friend once told me that "one day, I stopped doing what I should do, and started doing what I wanted." Think about that.
Think of something you want. Something you really really want. Now. Believe you can achieve it. Believe it with all your heart. Now. Go out there... and get it.
1 Corinthians 16:13
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Swing.
I am going with the flow. I see so much growing going on around me. So many new relationships. Friendships. I love seeing life blossom. And this time I promised myself that I would not feel without. Because I never am.
I have Him, and for me, that's all I need.
I love Love.
I have Him, and for me, that's all I need.
I love Love.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Heartbeats.
You know when you find a song that you wish it would just never end. It got me thinking...
There are a lot of things we love, a lot of temporary things that we wish would never cease. That they would just live forever. Unfortunately, (for some) first loves fade, our taste buds lose their truth, our ears lose their precision with every faint ringing that we can't shake. Our eyes and hearts lose focus of our youthful dreams and this song will, inevitbly, end.
So what is there to hold on to? Why do we wake up every morning?
Love.
Not love, but Love.
Don't define it. It's too big for the mind to wrap around. It's too pure to be written and solidifed. It's not to be written on stone, Love, is for our hearts. How awesome is this Love that can't be described.
"The only reason my heart beats, is because You showed it how."
He is Love, don't restrict something so powerful, let it change you. Let it enter you. Let Him Love you.
There are a lot of things we love, a lot of temporary things that we wish would never cease. That they would just live forever. Unfortunately, (for some) first loves fade, our taste buds lose their truth, our ears lose their precision with every faint ringing that we can't shake. Our eyes and hearts lose focus of our youthful dreams and this song will, inevitbly, end.
So what is there to hold on to? Why do we wake up every morning?
Love.
Not love, but Love.
Don't define it. It's too big for the mind to wrap around. It's too pure to be written and solidifed. It's not to be written on stone, Love, is for our hearts. How awesome is this Love that can't be described.
"The only reason my heart beats, is because You showed it how."
He is Love, don't restrict something so powerful, let it change you. Let it enter you. Let Him Love you.
Friday, March 6, 2009
It's the sweetest thing, to trust You.
I've had this odd happiness since I woke up this morning. It's Friday. The morning was crisp. But the sun was just enough to create a sense of hope. I got a great Chai. Successfully snuck said Chai into the computer lab where I sat next to a good friend. I have been afraid of confrontation with this friend because I know that despite my cowardly efforts, I had hurt him. He still smiled at me, asked me how my day was, and while he finished his quest for online cheat sheets I listened to Kristine Mueller's "Trust." (The song that I've been breathing lately.) My friend eventually leaves and I add my other headphone to my ear and tune out.
I'm reading blogs when my other good, humorous, (probably embarrassed at this point in the blog) friend sits next to me and pokes fun at my blog reading. Which he has caught me doing a lot of recently... He pulls up his schoolwork for abnormal psychology and has to take three tests that will determine if he has a "Personality Disorder." I decide that it would be interesting to take them too.
According to the professor only test one is fully credible, and I sincerely hope that he's not lying.
I am asked questions like... "Do you prefer to work alone because your standards are too high..." "Do you enjoy social settings?" "If you answered yes, is it because you are worried what their hidden motives are or..." "Or is it because you feel inferior to everyone around you?"
On and on and on and on these questions were listed and at the end I felt almost... invaded.
I am a Schizotypal, Dependant, and Obsessive Compulsive person.
All of the above basically summed up everything I didn't want to believe or even know about myself. Some things were definitely off but mostly, these disorders, these personality negatives, were pretty accurate. It got me thinking. Why the heck am I the way I am?
Why is anyone the way they are? Why is it that people can be polar opposites? How can I have all these things wrong with me and still have people to call friends? Does everyone have a disorder? Are humans just one big disorder or can it be argued that since everyone is under the same disabled label, we are all normally screwed up on some physiological level?
I was talking with that same friend after college, and while my brain was swarming with deep, dark, and pointless questions he told me something. And as the words came out of his mouth, I realized how long it had been since I've heard them in the same arrangement. He said "You can't have better than what already is... My life is perfect."
What the heck is perfect? How does someone judge a life? How can you weigh the highs and lows of life? What are these professors basing all their knowledge off of? What are we basing ourselves off of?
I have odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with sub cultural norms (e.g., superstitiousness, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations), unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions, odd thinking and speech (e.g., vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, over elaborate, or stereotyped), suspiciousness or paranoid ideation, inappropriate or constricted affect, behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar, lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives, social anxiety that tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about myself. I have difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others, needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life, has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval (this does not include realistic fears of retribution), has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy), goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant, feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself, urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends, is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself. I am preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost, shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met), is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity), is over conscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification), unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value, is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things, adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes, and I show rigidity and stubbornness.
That is a really long list of things that are wrong with me and if you didn't get through reading them all, don't feel bad... I didn't either.
The thing is, they missed that I have an amazing, talented family. They also didn't take into account that I have awesome, supporting, intellectual friends. And they most definitely missed that I am completely immersed in the Love of a God who loves me and all of my emotional problems.
Go here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doc1eqstMQQ.
This music video was exactly what I've been feeling the past few days. Like I've been running, searching for something worthwhile and at the end all I find is a climax and breaking point of emotion. And at the end of all the tiresome complexities that this world forces down our throats, I get to dive into pure faith and grace and love and hope and peace. Thank goodness our God is a God of peace.
Try and be at peace with yourself. Because right now, you're exactly who you are, and you "can't have better than what already is."
You're perfect because He loves you. God loves you.
I'm reading blogs when my other good, humorous, (probably embarrassed at this point in the blog) friend sits next to me and pokes fun at my blog reading. Which he has caught me doing a lot of recently... He pulls up his schoolwork for abnormal psychology and has to take three tests that will determine if he has a "Personality Disorder." I decide that it would be interesting to take them too.
According to the professor only test one is fully credible, and I sincerely hope that he's not lying.
I am asked questions like... "Do you prefer to work alone because your standards are too high..." "Do you enjoy social settings?" "If you answered yes, is it because you are worried what their hidden motives are or..." "Or is it because you feel inferior to everyone around you?"
On and on and on and on these questions were listed and at the end I felt almost... invaded.
I am a Schizotypal, Dependant, and Obsessive Compulsive person.
All of the above basically summed up everything I didn't want to believe or even know about myself. Some things were definitely off but mostly, these disorders, these personality negatives, were pretty accurate. It got me thinking. Why the heck am I the way I am?
Why is anyone the way they are? Why is it that people can be polar opposites? How can I have all these things wrong with me and still have people to call friends? Does everyone have a disorder? Are humans just one big disorder or can it be argued that since everyone is under the same disabled label, we are all normally screwed up on some physiological level?
I was talking with that same friend after college, and while my brain was swarming with deep, dark, and pointless questions he told me something. And as the words came out of his mouth, I realized how long it had been since I've heard them in the same arrangement. He said "You can't have better than what already is... My life is perfect."
What the heck is perfect? How does someone judge a life? How can you weigh the highs and lows of life? What are these professors basing all their knowledge off of? What are we basing ourselves off of?
I have odd beliefs or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with sub cultural norms (e.g., superstitiousness, bizarre fantasies or preoccupations), unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions, odd thinking and speech (e.g., vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, over elaborate, or stereotyped), suspiciousness or paranoid ideation, inappropriate or constricted affect, behavior or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar, lack of close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives, social anxiety that tends to be associated with paranoid fears rather than negative judgments about myself. I have difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others, needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life, has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval (this does not include realistic fears of retribution), has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy), goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant, feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself, urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends, is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself. I am preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost, shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met), is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity), is over conscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification), unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value, is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things, adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes, and I show rigidity and stubbornness.
That is a really long list of things that are wrong with me and if you didn't get through reading them all, don't feel bad... I didn't either.
The thing is, they missed that I have an amazing, talented family. They also didn't take into account that I have awesome, supporting, intellectual friends. And they most definitely missed that I am completely immersed in the Love of a God who loves me and all of my emotional problems.
Go here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doc1eqstMQQ.
This music video was exactly what I've been feeling the past few days. Like I've been running, searching for something worthwhile and at the end all I find is a climax and breaking point of emotion. And at the end of all the tiresome complexities that this world forces down our throats, I get to dive into pure faith and grace and love and hope and peace. Thank goodness our God is a God of peace.
Try and be at peace with yourself. Because right now, you're exactly who you are, and you "can't have better than what already is."
You're perfect because He loves you. God loves you.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thank God for Doug and Terese.
I had the pleasure of going to coffee with one of my amazing, talented, inspiring, best friend. It was a conversation that had gone a different direction that either of us were expecting. Admitting that we were feeling a little out of sorts, our topic started to change and we started talking about lighter subjects. Like her recent trip for a choir competition where she probably blew everyones mind with her gift.
Anyway, we were having a much lighter conversation by the fireplace in Starbucks when an older man came over and sat next to us. We turned to smile and say hello and his face instantly lightened. (It's amazing what a hello can do isn't it.) He continued to talk about his "bride" and how they loved to just spoil each other. She was grabbing him his coffee and his favorite thing to do was take her to watch the sunset and buy her diamonds. While he was talking about all of her favorite colored diamonds, and all the diamonds he was looking to give to her, the excitement in his voice was what got me the most. I started thinking about a sermon I heard in Generation Church UD.
The woman there was talking about how we are all God's treasure and how we are all diamonds in his eyes. None more valuable than the other. How when we hand ourselves over to Him, He will make us new and refined. The more we allow Him to work in our lives, the more we will be able to see a reflection of His face in our life.
So, God is excited about his treasure and the man in Starbucks is excited about buying his wife diamonds.
The wife, who's name is Terese, comes back with his drink and starts blushing when she realizes that her husband, Doug, has been talking about how amazing she is the whole time. She also has a Joyce Meyer book tucked under her shoulder. Madison comments on the book saying how she listens to her on the radio almost every morning. Doug gives a sheepish smile and says "Now you know the real reason our relationship is so good." They go on to tell us that they teach at local churches in the area and have devoted the rest of their lives to teaching and counseling. He brings out this briefcase that looks as if it is going to combust if one more bible study guide goes in. He started rummaging through his papers and brings out the study that they're leading today. The names of God. The paper lists all the names mentioned in the OT in reference to Christ. He starts talking about how when he prays for certain works, he prays to God in that name. We start talking about the names and what each means and I brought up Rob Bell. (Shock!) He asked us if we do a lot of studying on our own and started looking through his briefcase again.
"Have you two ever studied the crowns?"
We answered no and he immediately got out two more study guides he had made years before. He goes on to talk about how on earth we can do works to earn crowns. He stops himself and says, "now no work can get you into heaven because Christ has already done the work. You are saved by grace." Then he talks about how when we go up to heaven and are judged, we are given the crowns with the diamonds we have earned. And that when we receive the crowns, we get to run over to Jesus and lay them at his feet.
We get to.
What else do we get to do? We get to worship an awesome God free of persecution. We get to glorify His name and give Him the credit. We get to say His name out loud and free of fear. We get to go to heaven not out of our own deeds but by His grace. We get to live our lives for Him. We get to hand over to Him all of our times of trials and hardship for peace and love.
Stop.
If you're like me, you have a hard time wrapping your head around that last one. God wants me to make a trade with Him? God wants me to give Him my problems instead of me trying to fix them. How often have I heard the God doesn't want you to clean up before coming to Him sermon? How many times have I misunderstood it?
Your life may be a mess. Your school, your friends, your family. They could all be a mess and God doesn't want you to do it alone. He doesn't want to see you unhappy. He wants you to trust Him. He wants you to come to Him dirty and He wants to hold you in His hand and wipe away all of our worries. And the more you let Him into your life, the more that reflection is going to become clearer and clearer.
I have been running a lot lately. Running from my worries, trying really hard to make it look like I had everything together. Trying hard to be perfect. Trying hard to be enough. It fooled some, others noticed how thin I had stretched myself, but God was the only that I couldn't fool.
In His presence I would try and put my best self forward. Trying hard not to show any sign of weakness or area of improvement. And yet, I cried all the time. I got back into an old habit where I would run myself dry, taking on so much that when I was alone, doing nothing, I would feel worthless. My up's and downs were always to the extreme.
God had been trying so hard to warn me of this. For the past two weeks, I have heard several references to diamonds, self worth, and the peace that God graces us with when we hand over our insecurities and problems. And I still held on, thinking "I can fix this. I can do this without bothering anyone." God doesn't want to hear that.
I love thinking of God as a best friend. If my best friend was having a huge problem and she didn't talk about it with me, I'd be hurt and frantic to figure out what's going on. I'd only want to help her and share whatever burden she felt weighed down by if not try and take it all. I'd want to take it all away so that she could be happy again. And the great thing about God being your best friend is that He can literally take it all away. He knows what we're not telling Him. Imagine knowing what your best friend is going through and them not allowing you to help in anyway... it'd break your heart to see them try and go at it alone.
Last night I went to Oasis. It's an awesome Youth lead youth group at the Belle Chapel in Snohomish. My friend got up to speak about his life struggles, and how for a long time, he tried to solve them without the help of God. Yes. It was one of those God loves and wants you right now, he doesn't want to wait for you to clean yourself up sermons. He spoke about the power of prayer and the peace that God had given him for trusting that He was more than enough. Isn't that awesome? That God is more than enough for any problem you will face. He is more than enough.
So last night I sat with my face in my knees, eyes balling, and I spoke with my awesome Creator.
Lord, you are greater than any problem that I will face. You are larger than life and you are more than enough for whatever comes my way. I don't want to face it alone anymore. I am weak and I need only You.
And like that, the God of the Universe lifted my worries and gave me a whole new reason to leak from my eyelids. His peace is unexplainable. Today I was actually clicking my heels singing Reliant K through my school. God is sooooooo good.
So my point of this was to remind you that:
-God is more than enough for your life.
-God values you, right now, not just the soon to be improved you, but all of you.
-You can lay crowns down at Jesus' feet in heaven, but right now, laying down your life and worries is the healthiest most peaceful thing you could do.
-Jesus is your best friend. Go talk to Him.
Anyway, we were having a much lighter conversation by the fireplace in Starbucks when an older man came over and sat next to us. We turned to smile and say hello and his face instantly lightened. (It's amazing what a hello can do isn't it.) He continued to talk about his "bride" and how they loved to just spoil each other. She was grabbing him his coffee and his favorite thing to do was take her to watch the sunset and buy her diamonds. While he was talking about all of her favorite colored diamonds, and all the diamonds he was looking to give to her, the excitement in his voice was what got me the most. I started thinking about a sermon I heard in Generation Church UD.
The woman there was talking about how we are all God's treasure and how we are all diamonds in his eyes. None more valuable than the other. How when we hand ourselves over to Him, He will make us new and refined. The more we allow Him to work in our lives, the more we will be able to see a reflection of His face in our life.
So, God is excited about his treasure and the man in Starbucks is excited about buying his wife diamonds.
The wife, who's name is Terese, comes back with his drink and starts blushing when she realizes that her husband, Doug, has been talking about how amazing she is the whole time. She also has a Joyce Meyer book tucked under her shoulder. Madison comments on the book saying how she listens to her on the radio almost every morning. Doug gives a sheepish smile and says "Now you know the real reason our relationship is so good." They go on to tell us that they teach at local churches in the area and have devoted the rest of their lives to teaching and counseling. He brings out this briefcase that looks as if it is going to combust if one more bible study guide goes in. He started rummaging through his papers and brings out the study that they're leading today. The names of God. The paper lists all the names mentioned in the OT in reference to Christ. He starts talking about how when he prays for certain works, he prays to God in that name. We start talking about the names and what each means and I brought up Rob Bell. (Shock!) He asked us if we do a lot of studying on our own and started looking through his briefcase again.
"Have you two ever studied the crowns?"
We answered no and he immediately got out two more study guides he had made years before. He goes on to talk about how on earth we can do works to earn crowns. He stops himself and says, "now no work can get you into heaven because Christ has already done the work. You are saved by grace." Then he talks about how when we go up to heaven and are judged, we are given the crowns with the diamonds we have earned. And that when we receive the crowns, we get to run over to Jesus and lay them at his feet.
We get to.
What else do we get to do? We get to worship an awesome God free of persecution. We get to glorify His name and give Him the credit. We get to say His name out loud and free of fear. We get to go to heaven not out of our own deeds but by His grace. We get to live our lives for Him. We get to hand over to Him all of our times of trials and hardship for peace and love.
Stop.
If you're like me, you have a hard time wrapping your head around that last one. God wants me to make a trade with Him? God wants me to give Him my problems instead of me trying to fix them. How often have I heard the God doesn't want you to clean up before coming to Him sermon? How many times have I misunderstood it?
Your life may be a mess. Your school, your friends, your family. They could all be a mess and God doesn't want you to do it alone. He doesn't want to see you unhappy. He wants you to trust Him. He wants you to come to Him dirty and He wants to hold you in His hand and wipe away all of our worries. And the more you let Him into your life, the more that reflection is going to become clearer and clearer.
I have been running a lot lately. Running from my worries, trying really hard to make it look like I had everything together. Trying hard to be perfect. Trying hard to be enough. It fooled some, others noticed how thin I had stretched myself, but God was the only that I couldn't fool.
In His presence I would try and put my best self forward. Trying hard not to show any sign of weakness or area of improvement. And yet, I cried all the time. I got back into an old habit where I would run myself dry, taking on so much that when I was alone, doing nothing, I would feel worthless. My up's and downs were always to the extreme.
God had been trying so hard to warn me of this. For the past two weeks, I have heard several references to diamonds, self worth, and the peace that God graces us with when we hand over our insecurities and problems. And I still held on, thinking "I can fix this. I can do this without bothering anyone." God doesn't want to hear that.
I love thinking of God as a best friend. If my best friend was having a huge problem and she didn't talk about it with me, I'd be hurt and frantic to figure out what's going on. I'd only want to help her and share whatever burden she felt weighed down by if not try and take it all. I'd want to take it all away so that she could be happy again. And the great thing about God being your best friend is that He can literally take it all away. He knows what we're not telling Him. Imagine knowing what your best friend is going through and them not allowing you to help in anyway... it'd break your heart to see them try and go at it alone.
Last night I went to Oasis. It's an awesome Youth lead youth group at the Belle Chapel in Snohomish. My friend got up to speak about his life struggles, and how for a long time, he tried to solve them without the help of God. Yes. It was one of those God loves and wants you right now, he doesn't want to wait for you to clean yourself up sermons. He spoke about the power of prayer and the peace that God had given him for trusting that He was more than enough. Isn't that awesome? That God is more than enough for any problem you will face. He is more than enough.
So last night I sat with my face in my knees, eyes balling, and I spoke with my awesome Creator.
Lord, you are greater than any problem that I will face. You are larger than life and you are more than enough for whatever comes my way. I don't want to face it alone anymore. I am weak and I need only You.
And like that, the God of the Universe lifted my worries and gave me a whole new reason to leak from my eyelids. His peace is unexplainable. Today I was actually clicking my heels singing Reliant K through my school. God is sooooooo good.
So my point of this was to remind you that:
-God is more than enough for your life.
-God values you, right now, not just the soon to be improved you, but all of you.
-You can lay crowns down at Jesus' feet in heaven, but right now, laying down your life and worries is the healthiest most peaceful thing you could do.
-Jesus is your best friend. Go talk to Him.
Friday, February 6, 2009
What more do I need?
I have started this blog three different ways now. Goodness! I just cannot find the words to describe how truly blessed I am. Let's just do a little bio and Jesus can point this in the right direction...
I started this blog as a way of not talking to people. As a way of shutting people out. So that I wouldn't have to talk to the people that I was hurt and confused by. It seemed that I only had two speeds when I was reading over my previous entries. Really high on Jesus, or really low about relationships. Then one day I realized something. I was writing so much about my problems, or overcoming my problems, that I wasn't giving my brain anything to think about besides... my problems. My moods and outlooks went back and forth, high and low! Nothing was ever making sense and I found myself almost having multiple personalities. Not to the extreme of course, but I would even joke around with my friends, "oh sorry you have Hillary 2 today." When my moods started on the rise I made an unconscious decision to change my motives. I started reading and writing more about my cause.
I have always loved to write. I write music, poems, and now I blog. It's this weird little obsession I have about making my difference in the world. I grew up with my mom playing her music at little coffee shops all over the place. So basically I've been obsessed with coffee and music my whole life. Music has had a huge influence in my life while I was younger and it just became a part of me. I started writing when I was really young. When I find random scratches of it on notebooks I mostly laugh, but once in a while I think "whoa! I was a depressed poetic little kid."
Depressed?
Yes, my dad worked a lot overseas on the San Juan Islands. It took me a long to figure out that he wasn't coming home and even longer to understand why. Therefor, a lot of my songs delt with worth, longing for something, missing something or the need of being loved. I was writing heartbreak songs before the age of ten.
I taught myself a little piano by about 11 or 12 after watching and getting a lot of time from my sister Laurel and my brother Rory. When I was 14 I wanted to learn guitar so I started asking my soon to be step dad Dean for some help. I guess I've never really had a flare for lessons. I started playing for family gatherings and it wasn't long before my songs actually made rooms of people cry. Like I said, my songs were generally about feeling forgotten, unloved, and heartbreak. The first song I actually wrote that was uplifting is now known as "happy song number one."
Last night I attended Generation church in the U District. Awesome place to go! Great speakers and great worship! But more importantly, God's been finding every way possible to beat somethign into my head. I've been completely aware that He's been trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what He was saying.
"Yes God, I understand the religion vs. relationship. Yeah, I know that one too. What do you mean live for you? I thought I was! Hey I'm having writers block, how about you give me an awesome song? Please?"
Like I said, I was completely missing the point. I was so completely blinded by the idea that my music is supossed to effect people and be this powerful unignorable thing that I lost sight of what I write about. What does anyone write about? Stories.
When I started to blog about my day, and the seemingly ordinary parts of it, I started to realize the glory of God in every part of my life. When I started to get into the Word more everyday, I realized I was reading stories that somehow, tie in with my life right now. Everything is about stories and life. So what excuse is writers block when everyday there is something new to be told? When God is in love with me? The question isn't about what can I write about? It's about what do I write about!
God has blessed my life so entirely. With the people he puts in my path, the experiences that I have and the stories that I'm told. I guess this blog will be about inspiration. What more inspiration do I need to shout a shout of Praise to the Maker of the Earth? God is so good.
God Bless.
I started this blog as a way of not talking to people. As a way of shutting people out. So that I wouldn't have to talk to the people that I was hurt and confused by. It seemed that I only had two speeds when I was reading over my previous entries. Really high on Jesus, or really low about relationships. Then one day I realized something. I was writing so much about my problems, or overcoming my problems, that I wasn't giving my brain anything to think about besides... my problems. My moods and outlooks went back and forth, high and low! Nothing was ever making sense and I found myself almost having multiple personalities. Not to the extreme of course, but I would even joke around with my friends, "oh sorry you have Hillary 2 today." When my moods started on the rise I made an unconscious decision to change my motives. I started reading and writing more about my cause.
I have always loved to write. I write music, poems, and now I blog. It's this weird little obsession I have about making my difference in the world. I grew up with my mom playing her music at little coffee shops all over the place. So basically I've been obsessed with coffee and music my whole life. Music has had a huge influence in my life while I was younger and it just became a part of me. I started writing when I was really young. When I find random scratches of it on notebooks I mostly laugh, but once in a while I think "whoa! I was a depressed poetic little kid."
Depressed?
Yes, my dad worked a lot overseas on the San Juan Islands. It took me a long to figure out that he wasn't coming home and even longer to understand why. Therefor, a lot of my songs delt with worth, longing for something, missing something or the need of being loved. I was writing heartbreak songs before the age of ten.
I taught myself a little piano by about 11 or 12 after watching and getting a lot of time from my sister Laurel and my brother Rory. When I was 14 I wanted to learn guitar so I started asking my soon to be step dad Dean for some help. I guess I've never really had a flare for lessons. I started playing for family gatherings and it wasn't long before my songs actually made rooms of people cry. Like I said, my songs were generally about feeling forgotten, unloved, and heartbreak. The first song I actually wrote that was uplifting is now known as "happy song number one."
Last night I attended Generation church in the U District. Awesome place to go! Great speakers and great worship! But more importantly, God's been finding every way possible to beat somethign into my head. I've been completely aware that He's been trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what He was saying.
"Yes God, I understand the religion vs. relationship. Yeah, I know that one too. What do you mean live for you? I thought I was! Hey I'm having writers block, how about you give me an awesome song? Please?"
Like I said, I was completely missing the point. I was so completely blinded by the idea that my music is supossed to effect people and be this powerful unignorable thing that I lost sight of what I write about. What does anyone write about? Stories.
When I started to blog about my day, and the seemingly ordinary parts of it, I started to realize the glory of God in every part of my life. When I started to get into the Word more everyday, I realized I was reading stories that somehow, tie in with my life right now. Everything is about stories and life. So what excuse is writers block when everyday there is something new to be told? When God is in love with me? The question isn't about what can I write about? It's about what do I write about!
God has blessed my life so entirely. With the people he puts in my path, the experiences that I have and the stories that I'm told. I guess this blog will be about inspiration. What more inspiration do I need to shout a shout of Praise to the Maker of the Earth? God is so good.
God Bless.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Mmmmm. You smell good.
I was at a retreat up by Stevens Pass all weekend. Let me just say. Praise Jesus!
Ah. Maybe it's just what people call "camp high" but I feel stronger. Could be just because I watched The Gods Aren't Angry by Rob Bell for the third time. Could be because I got in a lot of devotions. Or that I got to lead awesome worship with my guitar.
But then I think of the conversation that I will think about every morning before I go off into the world. And how it started off with. "Mmmmm. You smell good."
We were up and out of the lodge around 11 and arrived at Stevens Pass no longer then ten minutes. (Thanks to Liz's lead foot.) Everyone is packing on their Snowboard/Ski gear while Carli, Lauren, and I blast The Rocket Summer's Cross My Heart. (We are lame and going to sit in the lodge all day. I say it's because it's all to costly, but really I'm just extremely uncoordinated and would kill myself.) So when everyone is ready and Kellan get's unstuck from the trunk of Cheryl’s truck, Lauren grabs her laptop complete with Horton Hears a Who, Nancy Drew, and every Hillsong DVD known to man, Carli grabs her ears, and I grab my guitar.
As if a blonde girl walking around with a guitar instead of a snowboard is not standing out from the crowd enough already. I am in jeans, a TWLOHA sweater, and penny loafers. Yes, penny loafers, in the snow, with no hat, and no snow jacket, just a guitar. Everyone was giving me very confused looks and one man asked me "What time I was playing." After Carli, Lauren, and I search every lodge for a place that is warm, has an outlet, and enough room for me sit comfortably with my guitar all over the lodge, preferably not smelling of feet and nachos, we find a more than ideal spot in the middle lodge.
Thank you again God. That was awesome.
Anyway. The day carried on with Nancy Drew, Vanilla Lattes, Hillsong United, notes from awkward little boys, and Erin and I finally finishing a song with the perfect bridge. So when we leaving, we were more than a bunch of girls. We were a bunch of smelly, sweaty ones. The ones who actually experienced the snow anyway.
Right before we gathered for small group I took a shower with Pantene Pro-V, which apparently has a certain effect on Molly's nose. We started talking about tithe, then on to womanism, to what we want in a man, to what we want to be for God, to smells.
I sometimes get asked the most talked about subject in teenage girls minds. "What is your favorite thing in a guy? What do you notice about them first?" For me... I love when I can see Jesus radiating off of them. I want a man of God first and foremost. It's more than just attractiveness. It's because I am so in love with Jesus Christ that when I meet someone who is passionate in their walk I can not get enough of the conversation. Being around someone, anyone, who radiates Jesus and wants to talk about Him like He's alive and sitting with us is intoxicating, some people even use words like, addictive.
Humans are sensory creatures. (Thank you Rob Bell.) We all thrive off of texture, sight, sounds, music, and smells. What makes men and women of God so addictive to other men and women of God? Could it be that we both know what God looks like? That we know what our God is all about? That we have all felt God work in our lives? That we've smelt Him? Some of you will find that last assumption odd. How can you smell Jesus?
Well thanks to a Podcast by Judah Smith, Carli took perfumes and smells to a whole new level.
What if God is a scent?
What if we are not only supposed to be a light in this world? That we are supposed intoxicate this world with the smell of Jesus? That we are supposed to walk by and infiltrate the noses of perfect strangers? That our Love for Jesus Christ is supposed to be addictive?
Think about this.
You have the scent of Grace on you. You have your own unique smell of Jesus that God has blessed you with. You may be thinking. Well is my scent strong? Is my scent different from other people? Is my scent good? Am I drawing people in with my scent? Has Hillary lost it?
All awesome questions. Explore them. I don't want to preach in this blog, or write a novel so I will just leave you with this.
Go out into the world every morning that you are blessed to live, and don't forget to put on Grace before you go.
You are more intoxicating than you think.
Ah. Maybe it's just what people call "camp high" but I feel stronger. Could be just because I watched The Gods Aren't Angry by Rob Bell for the third time. Could be because I got in a lot of devotions. Or that I got to lead awesome worship with my guitar.
But then I think of the conversation that I will think about every morning before I go off into the world. And how it started off with. "Mmmmm. You smell good."
We were up and out of the lodge around 11 and arrived at Stevens Pass no longer then ten minutes. (Thanks to Liz's lead foot.) Everyone is packing on their Snowboard/Ski gear while Carli, Lauren, and I blast The Rocket Summer's Cross My Heart. (We are lame and going to sit in the lodge all day. I say it's because it's all to costly, but really I'm just extremely uncoordinated and would kill myself.) So when everyone is ready and Kellan get's unstuck from the trunk of Cheryl’s truck, Lauren grabs her laptop complete with Horton Hears a Who, Nancy Drew, and every Hillsong DVD known to man, Carli grabs her ears, and I grab my guitar.
As if a blonde girl walking around with a guitar instead of a snowboard is not standing out from the crowd enough already. I am in jeans, a TWLOHA sweater, and penny loafers. Yes, penny loafers, in the snow, with no hat, and no snow jacket, just a guitar. Everyone was giving me very confused looks and one man asked me "What time I was playing." After Carli, Lauren, and I search every lodge for a place that is warm, has an outlet, and enough room for me sit comfortably with my guitar all over the lodge, preferably not smelling of feet and nachos, we find a more than ideal spot in the middle lodge.
Thank you again God. That was awesome.
Anyway. The day carried on with Nancy Drew, Vanilla Lattes, Hillsong United, notes from awkward little boys, and Erin and I finally finishing a song with the perfect bridge. So when we leaving, we were more than a bunch of girls. We were a bunch of smelly, sweaty ones. The ones who actually experienced the snow anyway.
Right before we gathered for small group I took a shower with Pantene Pro-V, which apparently has a certain effect on Molly's nose. We started talking about tithe, then on to womanism, to what we want in a man, to what we want to be for God, to smells.
I sometimes get asked the most talked about subject in teenage girls minds. "What is your favorite thing in a guy? What do you notice about them first?" For me... I love when I can see Jesus radiating off of them. I want a man of God first and foremost. It's more than just attractiveness. It's because I am so in love with Jesus Christ that when I meet someone who is passionate in their walk I can not get enough of the conversation. Being around someone, anyone, who radiates Jesus and wants to talk about Him like He's alive and sitting with us is intoxicating, some people even use words like, addictive.
Humans are sensory creatures. (Thank you Rob Bell.) We all thrive off of texture, sight, sounds, music, and smells. What makes men and women of God so addictive to other men and women of God? Could it be that we both know what God looks like? That we know what our God is all about? That we have all felt God work in our lives? That we've smelt Him? Some of you will find that last assumption odd. How can you smell Jesus?
Well thanks to a Podcast by Judah Smith, Carli took perfumes and smells to a whole new level.
What if God is a scent?
What if we are not only supposed to be a light in this world? That we are supposed intoxicate this world with the smell of Jesus? That we are supposed to walk by and infiltrate the noses of perfect strangers? That our Love for Jesus Christ is supposed to be addictive?
Think about this.
You have the scent of Grace on you. You have your own unique smell of Jesus that God has blessed you with. You may be thinking. Well is my scent strong? Is my scent different from other people? Is my scent good? Am I drawing people in with my scent? Has Hillary lost it?
All awesome questions. Explore them. I don't want to preach in this blog, or write a novel so I will just leave you with this.
Go out into the world every morning that you are blessed to live, and don't forget to put on Grace before you go.
You are more intoxicating than you think.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Stew? Seriously?
Lately, in my devotions I keep coming across stories of murder, disloyalty, blessings vs. curses, and really rough stuff. I was reading Rob Bell the other day, (shocking I know) and he mentioned the story of the brothers Esau and Jacob. I decided to venture back to the chapter of Genesis and started not with the wonder of creation, but the introductions of betrayal and deceit.
It start off with the names of the brothers. Esau is the eldest. He is said to be red and furry when he is born. Jacob is born grasping the heel of Esau. Jacobs name is a Hebrew idiom for he deceives. Then it goes on to tell us that Isaac (The father and son of Abraham) loves Esau more and Rebekah (The mother) loves Jacob more. Esau likes to spend his time hunting but Jacob preferred to stay at home.
We now have two brothers. They both have very different interests. One might be a deceiver. The parents both love one kid over the other. This doesn't look too good.
Pause.
Reread that. Could be a number of families in the US couldn't it? Sorry about the side note, I just think it's awesome how timeless the Bible can be.
Back to the story...
29Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I'm famished!"
31 Jacob replied, "First sell me your birthright." 32 "Look, I am about to die," Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?" 33 But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
So Esau despised his birthright.
First time I read this. I re read it to make sure, that Esau sold Jacob his birthright for... stew. Stew? Seriously? I wanted to punch Esau in the face! Who sells their birthright for stew? I mean sure if I'm famished I might be a little desperate, but I'd probably eat some grass over give my bratty brother my birthright! Am I right? No.
This seriously ate at me for so long. Everyday I'd think, stew? Stew... huh? And then one day I thought... What if this story is bigger than stew?
Wow. Good thinking Hill.
Anyway, I started thinking of petty things like stew. I started thinking of things people give up for stupid things like red stew. Didn't take me so long.
People sell their birthright everyday. People give up their place in heaven for stupid world things like stew. We give up eternal life and happiness for mediocrity and selfishness. Our birthright is sold for the cost of greed. Whoa.
This blog is going to end abruptly. I am tired and I want to make you think about what you might be trading for stew. I mean after all...
it
is
just
stew.
It start off with the names of the brothers. Esau is the eldest. He is said to be red and furry when he is born. Jacob is born grasping the heel of Esau. Jacobs name is a Hebrew idiom for he deceives. Then it goes on to tell us that Isaac (The father and son of Abraham) loves Esau more and Rebekah (The mother) loves Jacob more. Esau likes to spend his time hunting but Jacob preferred to stay at home.
We now have two brothers. They both have very different interests. One might be a deceiver. The parents both love one kid over the other. This doesn't look too good.
Pause.
Reread that. Could be a number of families in the US couldn't it? Sorry about the side note, I just think it's awesome how timeless the Bible can be.
Back to the story...
29Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I'm famished!"
31 Jacob replied, "First sell me your birthright." 32 "Look, I am about to die," Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?" 33 But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
So Esau despised his birthright.
First time I read this. I re read it to make sure, that Esau sold Jacob his birthright for... stew. Stew? Seriously? I wanted to punch Esau in the face! Who sells their birthright for stew? I mean sure if I'm famished I might be a little desperate, but I'd probably eat some grass over give my bratty brother my birthright! Am I right? No.
This seriously ate at me for so long. Everyday I'd think, stew? Stew... huh? And then one day I thought... What if this story is bigger than stew?
Wow. Good thinking Hill.
Anyway, I started thinking of petty things like stew. I started thinking of things people give up for stupid things like red stew. Didn't take me so long.
People sell their birthright everyday. People give up their place in heaven for stupid world things like stew. We give up eternal life and happiness for mediocrity and selfishness. Our birthright is sold for the cost of greed. Whoa.
This blog is going to end abruptly. I am tired and I want to make you think about what you might be trading for stew. I mean after all...
it
is
just
stew.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Filled with awe.
How awesome is our God? And when I say awesome. I mean how blessed are we to have a God who fills us with this kind of awe. His love, His power, His light is awe. It fills me with awe when I see people gathered with millions of differences. People who may not like the same bands, have different friends, cultures, traditions, hobbies, habits, favorite kinds of ice creams, but all have something that we can't ignore. We all have experienced Gods awesome Love. We are all joined together, with a single purpose, to praise His awesome name. We become the church he desired. We become the bride He desired.
I just want to meet Him so badly. I want to fall to my knees. I submit my whole self for His use, and I give all I am back to Him. He deserves that and so much more. But He rejoices, and His heart is filled with awe when he sees his children dancing for Him. This is what we are made for. We are made to fill the hearts of the oppressed with His greatness. His love. His awe.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Psalm 34:18
"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
God says "me too."
God says "me too."
"Me too."
Powerful words for so few letters. They can make the alone feel united, the hurt feel comforted, the brokenhearted heard.
Do you feel alone? Do you feel like no one understands that wrench lodged into your heart? The one that pulls at you when you feel the least bit comforted? The one that is so strong that there is just no beating it? It feels like there's no beating it? Me too.
I have felt the heartache you feel. The heartache you will feel. The heartache you have felt. The heartache you hate to think of. The heartache you haven't dealt with, the one you buried. Me too.
Love is hard. Love is vulnerable. Love in selfless. Love is powerful. Love is universal. Heartbreak ...is universal.
The loss of a family. Loss of a friend. The loss of your lover. The loss of your pet. The loss of yourself. The loss of everything that you have ever held dear... that kind of loss is universal.
I never knew that "me too" could be so comforting. When we are experiencing that brokeness in our heart, what do we believe with all that is left. That no one can know what this possibly feels like because it
is
so
real.
That we are alone in the enourmous world and no one should have the right to say "me too." Because they could not possibly understand our pain that is so beyond anything we have ever felt. Like a thousand knives peircing our pride, our feelings, and our vulnerable love. You never have to hurt over a stranger. You only experience heartbreak with those that you love.
Now imagine... loving everyone.
Imagine giving life to every human being. You know these children so well that you can recite the number of hairs on their head. Imagine you love these human beings so immensly that you would lay down your life just to see them live one more day. Imagine taking the few that you are brave enough to love and multiplying the stakes by a thousand. Now try mulitplying it by millions... billions. Imagine the person you love most on the earth saying no when you offer them love. Imagine everyone you've ever loved and them all saying no at the same time. Heartbreak. Beyond all imagination... heartbreak.
Imagine that someone has it worse than you. Imagine that heartbreak wasn't only universal... that is stretches beyond the heavens. Imagine God, the creator, the most massive power holder, the greatest spirit to ever invade the earth... imagine Him saying "me too."
Everyday Gods heart breaks. Everyday it's millions that say no in their heart. Millions. That's a million people rejecting His love. Rejecting His light. Rejecting His heart. Millions.
Imagine having the power of making Love... conditional. Making that person that said no to you, that person that rejected you, love you. Giving them no options and making their love for you forever. They would never stop loving everything about you. Imagine having that power...
Imagine... not using it.
Imagine enduring millions of heartbreaks everyday... for eternity. Forever.
God makes Himself vulnerable. Everday to us He makes His love known, and yet we refuse it. He came in the truest form of Love. Jesus. Jesus was the purest Love God could give us. He had nothing to hinder it.
My heart breaks when I think of how God's heart breaks. He is so good. I accept His Love. Whole heartedly I want it to overflow inside me and pour out onto all who are willing to be vulnerable. All who are willing to love.
God is love, and Love is like Oxygen. Breathe Him in.
Do you feel alone? Do you feel like no one understands that wrench lodged into your heart? The one that pulls at you when you feel the least bit comforted? The one that is so strong that there is just no beating it? It feels like there's no beating it? Me too.
I have felt the heartache you feel. The heartache you will feel. The heartache you have felt. The heartache you hate to think of. The heartache you haven't dealt with, the one you buried. Me too.
Love is hard. Love is vulnerable. Love in selfless. Love is powerful. Love is universal. Heartbreak ...is universal.
The loss of a family. Loss of a friend. The loss of your lover. The loss of your pet. The loss of yourself. The loss of everything that you have ever held dear... that kind of loss is universal.
I never knew that "me too" could be so comforting. When we are experiencing that brokeness in our heart, what do we believe with all that is left. That no one can know what this possibly feels like because it
is
so
real.
That we are alone in the enourmous world and no one should have the right to say "me too." Because they could not possibly understand our pain that is so beyond anything we have ever felt. Like a thousand knives peircing our pride, our feelings, and our vulnerable love. You never have to hurt over a stranger. You only experience heartbreak with those that you love.
Now imagine... loving everyone.
Imagine giving life to every human being. You know these children so well that you can recite the number of hairs on their head. Imagine you love these human beings so immensly that you would lay down your life just to see them live one more day. Imagine taking the few that you are brave enough to love and multiplying the stakes by a thousand. Now try mulitplying it by millions... billions. Imagine the person you love most on the earth saying no when you offer them love. Imagine everyone you've ever loved and them all saying no at the same time. Heartbreak. Beyond all imagination... heartbreak.
Imagine that someone has it worse than you. Imagine that heartbreak wasn't only universal... that is stretches beyond the heavens. Imagine God, the creator, the most massive power holder, the greatest spirit to ever invade the earth... imagine Him saying "me too."
Everyday Gods heart breaks. Everyday it's millions that say no in their heart. Millions. That's a million people rejecting His love. Rejecting His light. Rejecting His heart. Millions.
Imagine having the power of making Love... conditional. Making that person that said no to you, that person that rejected you, love you. Giving them no options and making their love for you forever. They would never stop loving everything about you. Imagine having that power...
Imagine... not using it.
Imagine enduring millions of heartbreaks everyday... for eternity. Forever.
God makes Himself vulnerable. Everday to us He makes His love known, and yet we refuse it. He came in the truest form of Love. Jesus. Jesus was the purest Love God could give us. He had nothing to hinder it.
My heart breaks when I think of how God's heart breaks. He is so good. I accept His Love. Whole heartedly I want it to overflow inside me and pour out onto all who are willing to be vulnerable. All who are willing to love.
God is love, and Love is like Oxygen. Breathe Him in.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Battle.
I put on a facade most of the time. That I'm content with who I am and secure in my relationships with other people. But something I don't share a lot is that I have a voice in my head spitting insecurities all day. You're not good enough to be friends with them. You're not healthy. You are really annoying to be around. They're not really your friends. They can't stand you. You aren't good enough. I can not even begin to tell you how these thought overtake my heart. Every friend I lose and every criticism I receive hits ten times harder. I get so weighed down that I end up all alone. All the time. Even around people, I feel alone.
Lately it's been really hard shutting those voices out. And as a result I spent most of my time doing homework, cleaning, reading and sleeping by myself. Convinced that the reason my day's were so empty was because no one cared enough to call. I was constantly reading trying to find some self worth. Practically living and breathing words and trying to find some meaning. Something to shut that voice up. I was reading "Sex God" by Rob Bell intently and something popped out.
Several hundred thousand.
You are not alone. What ever you struggle with, whatever you have questions about, you are not alone.
The content to which that exert referred to was not even exactly what I needed help with. Rob Bell was talking about how you don't have to fight alone. Ever. When I take the criticism of everything around me and put it on my shoulders, I don't have to bear it alone. When I start to believe that voice in my head when it's spouting lies and hurtful things into my heart, all I have to do is order the devil out. The devil may take over my mind, but not if I have God on my side. So I trusted my God with my biggest insecurities and was overwhelmed by the load taken off. His love was overflowing in me and was telling me that everything was going to be okay. That everything that was bothering me could be put to rest because he has put people in my life who care. He also told me something mind blowing.
You are getting so strong that you are becoming a threat. You are becoming someone the devil has to fear.
I have grown a lot these past few months. And every time I discover something new to praise God in I get hit harder by the devil. But he will not best me. Maybe when I was alone, but not with God. He's too afraid of Him.
Lately it's been really hard shutting those voices out. And as a result I spent most of my time doing homework, cleaning, reading and sleeping by myself. Convinced that the reason my day's were so empty was because no one cared enough to call. I was constantly reading trying to find some self worth. Practically living and breathing words and trying to find some meaning. Something to shut that voice up. I was reading "Sex God" by Rob Bell intently and something popped out.
Several hundred thousand.
You are not alone. What ever you struggle with, whatever you have questions about, you are not alone.
The content to which that exert referred to was not even exactly what I needed help with. Rob Bell was talking about how you don't have to fight alone. Ever. When I take the criticism of everything around me and put it on my shoulders, I don't have to bear it alone. When I start to believe that voice in my head when it's spouting lies and hurtful things into my heart, all I have to do is order the devil out. The devil may take over my mind, but not if I have God on my side. So I trusted my God with my biggest insecurities and was overwhelmed by the load taken off. His love was overflowing in me and was telling me that everything was going to be okay. That everything that was bothering me could be put to rest because he has put people in my life who care. He also told me something mind blowing.
You are getting so strong that you are becoming a threat. You are becoming someone the devil has to fear.
I have grown a lot these past few months. And every time I discover something new to praise God in I get hit harder by the devil. But he will not best me. Maybe when I was alone, but not with God. He's too afraid of Him.
Monday, January 12, 2009
"What is art?"
I love random deep conversations.
Today I woke up and I was STRESSED! I had not yet submitted my English add class form and therefore I was not officially in the class. I was wakened 30 minutes before my already early alarm to my mother telling me that I would to take a two hour bus ride to my college classes that I could not miss due to my procrastination. All my fault. I was discouraged with myself thinking "How will I get through this day when the morning already has me in an off mood?!" I lay in bed freaking out about all the things that were going wrong with the day already and decided that I needed a minute or two to sort out my feelings and share my frazzlement with the only one who would understand me and my ramblings. God.
I'm basically whining to Him at first. "God please make me sick so I don't have to get out of my warm bed! Please please please, I promise I'll go to school tomorrow." As I started sounding more and more pathetic I was reawakened to a larger picture. My last blog talked about nothing being ordinary in the days, hours, and moments we are blessed to live out. In the same way, nothing means nothing.
Let me explain. Not one second of this life we live means nothing. Our actions and words affect more than we know. For instance, not smiling at that stranger you pass continually on your way to class, could confirm their belief that they are worth less than an ant on this earth. Complimenting that girls sweater could make her feel more confident in herself and inspire her to tell her friend that she looks great, which could in turn cause her to smile out her car window at a stranger, and maybe that person is a teacher. A teacher at a little community college in Everett who decided instead of doing notes that day, they would have a discussion in class about defining "art," which could in turn cause a students mind to twist and turn until they have to talk about that very class discussion with a friend on the bus ride to high school. Giving that friend a chance to share God's amazing grace and beauty. The student in the art class in turn would be given a little nudge to the path that God so desperately wants everyone to find.
The possibilities are endless.
More than once my mood has changed simply by looking into the window of the car next to me and seeing to humans laughing so hard that they look... well really odd. I can only imagine how people’s moods change when they see me serenading them with Enrique Iglesias' "Do You Know."
I was so uninspired to get out of bed this morning. I was ready to fake a fever, start crying, anything... anything at all to get me out of a day at school. And then God told me that He loved me, but that I needed to put my big girl panties on and go out into the world. (He didn't make me ride the two hour bus though...) This is where my day get's even better.
I am driving to college with my mom. (Laugh here) And she starts telling me about her crazy teenage years and how she used to be in those crazy protest marches. Yeah, just think about what your parents did. I am telling her about my plans and how to go about them and where to go to college. All in all, great conversation with my mom.
I get to college a little more than an hour early so I open up Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell. (I'm in love with Rob Bell.) In it I find more amazing insight in the two chapters I read. In it, I was bonked on the head again for selfishness.
"God Bless America? God has." I was so ready to stay in my warm bed this morning because poor poor Hillary didn't get enough sleep. I felt so ashamed to be so ready to give up a day of school when I was reminded that people don't get to go to school. Think about how many people would die (theoretically) to be in our place. I'm not trying to put guilt on your plate; I'm simply reminding you of how blessed you are. YOU ARE SO BLESSED! Just look up statistics about our country vs. the world and you will be faced with the fact that despite all the things you don't own, you have a lot! Guilt does not come with possessions and it does not come from God. But greed does come from believing that you earned the right to your things and that you have no one to thank.
I believe the Bible to be one giant book of a central idea. Be thankful and trusting in the Lord God for He loves you. Yeah... YOU! He is IN LOVE WITH YOU! God is the reason you are breathing today. He is the reason I am alive today with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. I am so incredibly blessed to have someone love me this much. Someone as awesome as Jesus Christ died for me. 1 out of 6 billion people. That is how small I am and still He did. That kind of Love has been crushing me and I never want it to stop.
I guess the point I am trying to make is be thankful. In every obstacle, blessing, and test be thankful. God loves you and wants you badly. He wants you. You.
On the bus ride home today, a friend of mine asked me what my definition of art is. I said "everything." He asked how everything could be art since no human has ever designed a tree before. I said because "The most beautiful things in this world aren't man made. There has got to be something more." I hope this blog starts some kind of uncontrollable chain of events. In the mean time. Thank God.
Today I woke up and I was STRESSED! I had not yet submitted my English add class form and therefore I was not officially in the class. I was wakened 30 minutes before my already early alarm to my mother telling me that I would to take a two hour bus ride to my college classes that I could not miss due to my procrastination. All my fault. I was discouraged with myself thinking "How will I get through this day when the morning already has me in an off mood?!" I lay in bed freaking out about all the things that were going wrong with the day already and decided that I needed a minute or two to sort out my feelings and share my frazzlement with the only one who would understand me and my ramblings. God.
I'm basically whining to Him at first. "God please make me sick so I don't have to get out of my warm bed! Please please please, I promise I'll go to school tomorrow." As I started sounding more and more pathetic I was reawakened to a larger picture. My last blog talked about nothing being ordinary in the days, hours, and moments we are blessed to live out. In the same way, nothing means nothing.
Let me explain. Not one second of this life we live means nothing. Our actions and words affect more than we know. For instance, not smiling at that stranger you pass continually on your way to class, could confirm their belief that they are worth less than an ant on this earth. Complimenting that girls sweater could make her feel more confident in herself and inspire her to tell her friend that she looks great, which could in turn cause her to smile out her car window at a stranger, and maybe that person is a teacher. A teacher at a little community college in Everett who decided instead of doing notes that day, they would have a discussion in class about defining "art," which could in turn cause a students mind to twist and turn until they have to talk about that very class discussion with a friend on the bus ride to high school. Giving that friend a chance to share God's amazing grace and beauty. The student in the art class in turn would be given a little nudge to the path that God so desperately wants everyone to find.
The possibilities are endless.
More than once my mood has changed simply by looking into the window of the car next to me and seeing to humans laughing so hard that they look... well really odd. I can only imagine how people’s moods change when they see me serenading them with Enrique Iglesias' "Do You Know."
I was so uninspired to get out of bed this morning. I was ready to fake a fever, start crying, anything... anything at all to get me out of a day at school. And then God told me that He loved me, but that I needed to put my big girl panties on and go out into the world. (He didn't make me ride the two hour bus though...) This is where my day get's even better.
I am driving to college with my mom. (Laugh here) And she starts telling me about her crazy teenage years and how she used to be in those crazy protest marches. Yeah, just think about what your parents did. I am telling her about my plans and how to go about them and where to go to college. All in all, great conversation with my mom.
I get to college a little more than an hour early so I open up Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell. (I'm in love with Rob Bell.) In it I find more amazing insight in the two chapters I read. In it, I was bonked on the head again for selfishness.
"God Bless America? God has." I was so ready to stay in my warm bed this morning because poor poor Hillary didn't get enough sleep. I felt so ashamed to be so ready to give up a day of school when I was reminded that people don't get to go to school. Think about how many people would die (theoretically) to be in our place. I'm not trying to put guilt on your plate; I'm simply reminding you of how blessed you are. YOU ARE SO BLESSED! Just look up statistics about our country vs. the world and you will be faced with the fact that despite all the things you don't own, you have a lot! Guilt does not come with possessions and it does not come from God. But greed does come from believing that you earned the right to your things and that you have no one to thank.
I believe the Bible to be one giant book of a central idea. Be thankful and trusting in the Lord God for He loves you. Yeah... YOU! He is IN LOVE WITH YOU! God is the reason you are breathing today. He is the reason I am alive today with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. I am so incredibly blessed to have someone love me this much. Someone as awesome as Jesus Christ died for me. 1 out of 6 billion people. That is how small I am and still He did. That kind of Love has been crushing me and I never want it to stop.
I guess the point I am trying to make is be thankful. In every obstacle, blessing, and test be thankful. God loves you and wants you badly. He wants you. You.
On the bus ride home today, a friend of mine asked me what my definition of art is. I said "everything." He asked how everything could be art since no human has ever designed a tree before. I said because "The most beautiful things in this world aren't man made. There has got to be something more." I hope this blog starts some kind of uncontrollable chain of events. In the mean time. Thank God.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Daniel 3
I feel like I have wasted time. Precious time that I will never get back. All the change and growth that could have been taking place was put on hold for my selfishness. Like all that I had wasn't enough so I cast the greatest gift aside.
Wow! So cool. Just doing a little more bible reading and I came across the story of The Image of Gold and the Blazing Furnace. The story is about king Nebuchadnezzar and his tyrany. He creates a shrine of gold and places it upon the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon. (Babylon, the place where the people of Isreal were retaken and called to slavery after perverting the name of God) and calls everyone to come gather in dedication of the image he had set up. He orders every knee to bow and worship his Gods under penalty of being thrown into a Blazing Furnace.
When the people heard "the sound of horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp and all kinds of music, all the nations and people of every language fell down and worshiped the image of gold..." Some atrologers later found king Nebuchadnezzar and told him that some of the Jews were not obeying his command.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are summoned the Nebuchadnezzar to come confess to their crimes. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are given the chance to fall to their knees is obediance to the king but they don't. In fact they tell King Nebuchadnezzar "we don't need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If the God we serve is able to deliver us, then He will deliver us from the furnace and from your majestys hand. But even if He doesn't, we want you to know, your majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the idol you have set up."
What happened to this kind of faith? In times of trials we turn our backs to God as if he enjoys our suffering. I think what Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego is romantic. Not only do they faith that God, our amazing God, would save them but that they love God enough to not be proud in their faith but allow God to take action as He would choose to.
It's one thing to be faced in troubled times and believe that God will hear your cries and help you, but it's entirely different when you give the all powerful God the choice. Not that He needs your permission, but to trust in Him so much that you are going to love Him no matter how He appears to you in your troubled times.
If you never watched Veggie Tales as a kid, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego we're thrown into the furnace 7x what the original heating was killing 3 soldiers in the process. King Nebuchadnezzar looks into the flames and sees not three bodies but four. All of whom are fully dressed, without burn or pain. He immediatly calls the guard to open the doors and calls out to the three. The crowd gathered around and saw that this was true.
"Praise be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who has sent his angel and rescued His servants. They trusted in Him and defied the kings command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any other god other than their own God... no other God can save in this way."
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were faithful in our Lord God. And their prize is greater in heaven for beleiving without sight.
How awesome is our God. That out of every human being in the world. He loves you. That He would save your life. That He laid His only son for our sin. I love Jesus. He is so good to me.
Wow! So cool. Just doing a little more bible reading and I came across the story of The Image of Gold and the Blazing Furnace. The story is about king Nebuchadnezzar and his tyrany. He creates a shrine of gold and places it upon the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon. (Babylon, the place where the people of Isreal were retaken and called to slavery after perverting the name of God) and calls everyone to come gather in dedication of the image he had set up. He orders every knee to bow and worship his Gods under penalty of being thrown into a Blazing Furnace.
When the people heard "the sound of horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp and all kinds of music, all the nations and people of every language fell down and worshiped the image of gold..." Some atrologers later found king Nebuchadnezzar and told him that some of the Jews were not obeying his command.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are summoned the Nebuchadnezzar to come confess to their crimes. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are given the chance to fall to their knees is obediance to the king but they don't. In fact they tell King Nebuchadnezzar "we don't need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If the God we serve is able to deliver us, then He will deliver us from the furnace and from your majestys hand. But even if He doesn't, we want you to know, your majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the idol you have set up."
What happened to this kind of faith? In times of trials we turn our backs to God as if he enjoys our suffering. I think what Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego is romantic. Not only do they faith that God, our amazing God, would save them but that they love God enough to not be proud in their faith but allow God to take action as He would choose to.
It's one thing to be faced in troubled times and believe that God will hear your cries and help you, but it's entirely different when you give the all powerful God the choice. Not that He needs your permission, but to trust in Him so much that you are going to love Him no matter how He appears to you in your troubled times.
If you never watched Veggie Tales as a kid, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego we're thrown into the furnace 7x what the original heating was killing 3 soldiers in the process. King Nebuchadnezzar looks into the flames and sees not three bodies but four. All of whom are fully dressed, without burn or pain. He immediatly calls the guard to open the doors and calls out to the three. The crowd gathered around and saw that this was true.
"Praise be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who has sent his angel and rescued His servants. They trusted in Him and defied the kings command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any other god other than their own God... no other God can save in this way."
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were faithful in our Lord God. And their prize is greater in heaven for beleiving without sight.
How awesome is our God. That out of every human being in the world. He loves you. That He would save your life. That He laid His only son for our sin. I love Jesus. He is so good to me.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Your Eyes.
Ah! Siritual conversations get me so pumped! There is nothing like it! Talking about the most amazing Love on the earth with someone who is inspiring in their walk is whats keeping me from sleep. I am too antsy to even breathe! God is just so good!
Today started of normal. I woke up in Laurens house. Normal. I was the first to wake up. Normal. Get ready for church. Normal. Go straight up to the first row in service sing worship. Normal. Went to another trechturous (Not sure how to spell that and I don't want to look it up tonight) shopping extravaganza with some very important people in my life. Normalish. (I hate shopping) And then I got home (Laurens) and headed off to worship practice. Normal. Get inside and test the eqiupment with the guys. Normal. The music starts and then I realize... there is nothing normal about today. The reason is becasue I am not only breathing. I am breathing air that the most miraculous God of the Universe created so complexly that it gives my weak body strength and my mind fuel to grow! There is something so abnormal about the way that the trees change colors and how snow can fall from clouds in the sky that is full of galxies and stars and the heavens. There is nothing normal about a day in the life of Gods creation.
God is so awesome.
Today started of normal. I woke up in Laurens house. Normal. I was the first to wake up. Normal. Get ready for church. Normal. Go straight up to the first row in service sing worship. Normal. Went to another trechturous (Not sure how to spell that and I don't want to look it up tonight) shopping extravaganza with some very important people in my life. Normalish. (I hate shopping) And then I got home (Laurens) and headed off to worship practice. Normal. Get inside and test the eqiupment with the guys. Normal. The music starts and then I realize... there is nothing normal about today. The reason is becasue I am not only breathing. I am breathing air that the most miraculous God of the Universe created so complexly that it gives my weak body strength and my mind fuel to grow! There is something so abnormal about the way that the trees change colors and how snow can fall from clouds in the sky that is full of galxies and stars and the heavens. There is nothing normal about a day in the life of Gods creation.
God is so awesome.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
