Battle.

I put on a facade most of the time. That I'm content with who I am and secure in my relationships with other people. But something I don't share a lot is that I have a voice in my head spitting insecurities all day. You're not good enough to be friends with them. You're not healthy. You are really annoying to be around. They're not really your friends. They can't stand you. You aren't good enough. I can not even begin to tell you how these thought overtake my heart. Every friend I lose and every criticism I receive hits ten times harder. I get so weighed down that I end up all alone. All the time. Even around people, I feel alone.

Lately it's been really hard shutting those voices out. And as a result I spent most of my time doing homework, cleaning, reading and sleeping by myself. Convinced that the reason my day's were so empty was because no one cared enough to call. I was constantly reading trying to find some self worth. Practically living and breathing words and trying to find some meaning. Something to shut that voice up. I was reading "Sex God" by Rob Bell intently and something popped out.

Several hundred thousand.

You are not alone. What ever you struggle with, whatever you have questions about, you are not alone.

The content to which that exert referred to was not even exactly what I needed help with. Rob Bell was talking about how you don't have to fight alone. Ever. When I take the criticism of everything around me and put it on my shoulders, I don't have to bear it alone. When I start to believe that voice in my head when it's spouting lies and hurtful things into my heart, all I have to do is order the devil out. The devil may take over my mind, but not if I have God on my side. So I trusted my God with my biggest insecurities and was overwhelmed by the load taken off. His love was overflowing in me and was telling me that everything was going to be okay. That everything that was bothering me could be put to rest because he has put people in my life who care. He also told me something mind blowing.

You are getting so strong that you are becoming a threat. You are becoming someone the devil has to fear.

I have grown a lot these past few months. And every time I discover something new to praise God in I get hit harder by the devil. But he will not best me. Maybe when I was alone, but not with God. He's too afraid of Him.