What more do I need?

I have started this blog three different ways now. Goodness! I just cannot find the words to describe how truly blessed I am. Let's just do a little bio and Jesus can point this in the right direction...

I started this blog as a way of not talking to people. As a way of shutting people out. So that I wouldn't have to talk to the people that I was hurt and confused by. It seemed that I only had two speeds when I was reading over my previous entries. Really high on Jesus, or really low about relationships. Then one day I realized something. I was writing so much about my problems, or overcoming my problems, that I wasn't giving my brain anything to think about besides... my problems. My moods and outlooks went back and forth, high and low! Nothing was ever making sense and I found myself almost having multiple personalities. Not to the extreme of course, but I would even joke around with my friends, "oh sorry you have Hillary 2 today." When my moods started on the rise I made an unconscious decision to change my motives. I started reading and writing more about my cause.

I have always loved to write. I write music, poems, and now I blog. It's this weird little obsession I have about making my difference in the world. I grew up with my mom playing her music at little coffee shops all over the place. So basically I've been obsessed with coffee and music my whole life. Music has had a huge influence in my life while I was younger and it just became a part of me. I started writing when I was really young. When I find random scratches of it on notebooks I mostly laugh, but once in a while I think "whoa! I was a depressed poetic little kid."

Depressed?

Yes, my dad worked a lot overseas on the San Juan Islands. It took me a long to figure out that he wasn't coming home and even longer to understand why. Therefor, a lot of my songs delt with worth, longing for something, missing something or the need of being loved. I was writing heartbreak songs before the age of ten.

I taught myself a little piano by about 11 or 12 after watching and getting a lot of time from my sister Laurel and my brother Rory. When I was 14 I wanted to learn guitar so I started asking my soon to be step dad Dean for some help. I guess I've never really had a flare for lessons. I started playing for family gatherings and it wasn't long before my songs actually made rooms of people cry. Like I said, my songs were generally about feeling forgotten, unloved, and heartbreak. The first song I actually wrote that was uplifting is now known as "happy song number one."

Last night I attended Generation church in the U District. Awesome place to go! Great speakers and great worship! But more importantly, God's been finding every way possible to beat somethign into my head. I've been completely aware that He's been trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what He was saying.

"Yes God, I understand the religion vs. relationship. Yeah, I know that one too. What do you mean live for you? I thought I was! Hey I'm having writers block, how about you give me an awesome song? Please?"

Like I said, I was completely missing the point. I was so completely blinded by the idea that my music is supossed to effect people and be this powerful unignorable thing that I lost sight of what I write about. What does anyone write about? Stories.

When I started to blog about my day, and the seemingly ordinary parts of it, I started to realize the glory of God in every part of my life. When I started to get into the Word more everyday, I realized I was reading stories that somehow, tie in with my life right now. Everything is about stories and life. So what excuse is writers block when everyday there is something new to be told? When God is in love with me? The question isn't about what can I write about? It's about what do I write about!

God has blessed my life so entirely. With the people he puts in my path, the experiences that I have and the stories that I'm told. I guess this blog will be about inspiration. What more inspiration do I need to shout a shout of Praise to the Maker of the Earth? God is so good.

God Bless.