Stew? Seriously?

Lately, in my devotions I keep coming across stories of murder, disloyalty, blessings vs. curses, and really rough stuff. I was reading Rob Bell the other day, (shocking I know) and he mentioned the story of the brothers Esau and Jacob. I decided to venture back to the chapter of Genesis and started not with the wonder of creation, but the introductions of betrayal and deceit.

It start off with the names of the brothers. Esau is the eldest. He is said to be red and furry when he is born. Jacob is born grasping the heel of Esau. Jacobs name is a Hebrew idiom for he deceives. Then it goes on to tell us that Isaac (The father and son of Abraham) loves Esau more and Rebekah (The mother) loves Jacob more. Esau likes to spend his time hunting but Jacob preferred to stay at home.

We now have two brothers. They both have very different interests. One might be a deceiver. The parents both love one kid over the other. This doesn't look too good.

Pause.

Reread that. Could be a number of families in the US couldn't it? Sorry about the side note, I just think it's awesome how timeless the Bible can be.

Back to the story...

29Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I'm famished!"
31 Jacob replied, "First sell me your birthright." 32 "Look, I am about to die," Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?" 33 But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
So Esau despised his birthright.

First time I read this. I re read it to make sure, that Esau sold Jacob his birthright for... stew. Stew? Seriously? I wanted to punch Esau in the face! Who sells their birthright for stew? I mean sure if I'm famished I might be a little desperate, but I'd probably eat some grass over give my bratty brother my birthright! Am I right? No.

This seriously ate at me for so long. Everyday I'd think, stew? Stew... huh? And then one day I thought... What if this story is bigger than stew?

Wow. Good thinking Hill.

Anyway, I started thinking of petty things like stew. I started thinking of things people give up for stupid things like red stew. Didn't take me so long.

People sell their birthright everyday. People give up their place in heaven for stupid world things like stew. We give up eternal life and happiness for mediocrity and selfishness. Our birthright is sold for the cost of greed. Whoa.

This blog is going to end abruptly. I am tired and I want to make you think about what you might be trading for stew. I mean after all...

it

is

just

stew.

Filled with awe.

How awesome is our God? And when I say awesome. I mean how blessed are we to have a God who fills us with this kind of awe. His love, His power, His light is awe. It fills me with awe when I see people gathered with millions of differences. People who may not like the same bands, have different friends, cultures, traditions, hobbies, habits, favorite kinds of ice creams, but all have something that we can't ignore. We all have experienced Gods awesome Love. We are all joined together, with a single purpose, to praise His awesome name. We become the church he desired. We become the bride He desired.

I just want to meet Him so badly. I want to fall to my knees. I submit my whole self for His use, and I give all I am back to Him. He deserves that and so much more. But He rejoices, and His heart is filled with awe when he sees his children dancing for Him. This is what we are made for. We are made to fill the hearts of the oppressed with His greatness. His love. His awe.

Psalm 34:18

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."




God says "me too."

"Me too."

Powerful words for so few letters. They can make the alone feel united, the hurt feel comforted, the brokenhearted heard.

Do you feel alone? Do you feel like no one understands that wrench lodged into your heart? The one that pulls at you when you feel the least bit comforted? The one that is so strong that there is just no beating it? It feels like there's no beating it? Me too.

I have felt the heartache you feel. The heartache you will feel. The heartache you have felt. The heartache you hate to think of. The heartache you haven't dealt with, the one you buried. Me too.

Love is hard. Love is vulnerable. Love in selfless. Love is powerful. Love is universal. Heartbreak ...is universal.

The loss of a family. Loss of a friend. The loss of your lover. The loss of your pet. The loss of yourself. The loss of everything that you have ever held dear... that kind of loss is universal.

I never knew that "me too" could be so comforting. When we are experiencing that brokeness in our heart, what do we believe with all that is left. That no one can know what this possibly feels like because it

is

so

real.

That we are alone in the enourmous world and no one should have the right to say "me too." Because they could not possibly understand our pain that is so beyond anything we have ever felt. Like a thousand knives peircing our pride, our feelings, and our vulnerable love. You never have to hurt over a stranger. You only experience heartbreak with those that you love.

Now imagine... loving everyone.

Imagine giving life to every human being. You know these children so well that you can recite the number of hairs on their head. Imagine you love these human beings so immensly that you would lay down your life just to see them live one more day. Imagine taking the few that you are brave enough to love and multiplying the stakes by a thousand. Now try mulitplying it by millions... billions. Imagine the person you love most on the earth saying no when you offer them love. Imagine everyone you've ever loved and them all saying no at the same time. Heartbreak. Beyond all imagination... heartbreak.

Imagine that someone has it worse than you. Imagine that heartbreak wasn't only universal... that is stretches beyond the heavens. Imagine God, the creator, the most massive power holder, the greatest spirit to ever invade the earth... imagine Him saying "me too."

Everyday Gods heart breaks. Everyday it's millions that say no in their heart. Millions. That's a million people rejecting His love. Rejecting His light. Rejecting His heart. Millions.

Imagine having the power of making Love... conditional. Making that person that said no to you, that person that rejected you, love you. Giving them no options and making their love for you forever. They would never stop loving everything about you. Imagine having that power...

Imagine... not using it.

Imagine enduring millions of heartbreaks everyday... for eternity. Forever.

God makes Himself vulnerable. Everday to us He makes His love known, and yet we refuse it. He came in the truest form of Love. Jesus. Jesus was the purest Love God could give us. He had nothing to hinder it.

My heart breaks when I think of how God's heart breaks. He is so good. I accept His Love. Whole heartedly I want it to overflow inside me and pour out onto all who are willing to be vulnerable. All who are willing to love.

God is love, and Love is like Oxygen. Breathe Him in.

Battle.

I put on a facade most of the time. That I'm content with who I am and secure in my relationships with other people. But something I don't share a lot is that I have a voice in my head spitting insecurities all day. You're not good enough to be friends with them. You're not healthy. You are really annoying to be around. They're not really your friends. They can't stand you. You aren't good enough. I can not even begin to tell you how these thought overtake my heart. Every friend I lose and every criticism I receive hits ten times harder. I get so weighed down that I end up all alone. All the time. Even around people, I feel alone.

Lately it's been really hard shutting those voices out. And as a result I spent most of my time doing homework, cleaning, reading and sleeping by myself. Convinced that the reason my day's were so empty was because no one cared enough to call. I was constantly reading trying to find some self worth. Practically living and breathing words and trying to find some meaning. Something to shut that voice up. I was reading "Sex God" by Rob Bell intently and something popped out.

Several hundred thousand.

You are not alone. What ever you struggle with, whatever you have questions about, you are not alone.

The content to which that exert referred to was not even exactly what I needed help with. Rob Bell was talking about how you don't have to fight alone. Ever. When I take the criticism of everything around me and put it on my shoulders, I don't have to bear it alone. When I start to believe that voice in my head when it's spouting lies and hurtful things into my heart, all I have to do is order the devil out. The devil may take over my mind, but not if I have God on my side. So I trusted my God with my biggest insecurities and was overwhelmed by the load taken off. His love was overflowing in me and was telling me that everything was going to be okay. That everything that was bothering me could be put to rest because he has put people in my life who care. He also told me something mind blowing.

You are getting so strong that you are becoming a threat. You are becoming someone the devil has to fear.

I have grown a lot these past few months. And every time I discover something new to praise God in I get hit harder by the devil. But he will not best me. Maybe when I was alone, but not with God. He's too afraid of Him.

"What is art?"

I love random deep conversations.

Today I woke up and I was STRESSED! I had not yet submitted my English add class form and therefore I was not officially in the class. I was wakened 30 minutes before my already early alarm to my mother telling me that I would to take a two hour bus ride to my college classes that I could not miss due to my procrastination. All my fault. I was discouraged with myself thinking "How will I get through this day when the morning already has me in an off mood?!" I lay in bed freaking out about all the things that were going wrong with the day already and decided that I needed a minute or two to sort out my feelings and share my frazzlement with the only one who would understand me and my ramblings. God.
I'm basically whining to Him at first. "God please make me sick so I don't have to get out of my warm bed! Please please please, I promise I'll go to school tomorrow." As I started sounding more and more pathetic I was reawakened to a larger picture. My last blog talked about nothing being ordinary in the days, hours, and moments we are blessed to live out. In the same way, nothing means nothing.

Let me explain. Not one second of this life we live means nothing. Our actions and words affect more than we know. For instance, not smiling at that stranger you pass continually on your way to class, could confirm their belief that they are worth less than an ant on this earth. Complimenting that girls sweater could make her feel more confident in herself and inspire her to tell her friend that she looks great, which could in turn cause her to smile out her car window at a stranger, and maybe that person is a teacher. A teacher at a little community college in Everett who decided instead of doing notes that day, they would have a discussion in class about defining "art," which could in turn cause a students mind to twist and turn until they have to talk about that very class discussion with a friend on the bus ride to high school. Giving that friend a chance to share God's amazing grace and beauty. The student in the art class in turn would be given a little nudge to the path that God so desperately wants everyone to find.
The possibilities are endless.

More than once my mood has changed simply by looking into the window of the car next to me and seeing to humans laughing so hard that they look... well really odd. I can only imagine how people’s moods change when they see me serenading them with Enrique Iglesias' "Do You Know."

I was so uninspired to get out of bed this morning. I was ready to fake a fever, start crying, anything... anything at all to get me out of a day at school. And then God told me that He loved me, but that I needed to put my big girl panties on and go out into the world. (He didn't make me ride the two hour bus though...) This is where my day get's even better.

I am driving to college with my mom. (Laugh here) And she starts telling me about her crazy teenage years and how she used to be in those crazy protest marches. Yeah, just think about what your parents did. I am telling her about my plans and how to go about them and where to go to college. All in all, great conversation with my mom.
I get to college a little more than an hour early so I open up Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell. (I'm in love with Rob Bell.) In it I find more amazing insight in the two chapters I read. In it, I was bonked on the head again for selfishness.

"God Bless America? God has." I was so ready to stay in my warm bed this morning because poor poor Hillary didn't get enough sleep. I felt so ashamed to be so ready to give up a day of school when I was reminded that people don't get to go to school. Think about how many people would die (theoretically) to be in our place. I'm not trying to put guilt on your plate; I'm simply reminding you of how blessed you are. YOU ARE SO BLESSED! Just look up statistics about our country vs. the world and you will be faced with the fact that despite all the things you don't own, you have a lot! Guilt does not come with possessions and it does not come from God. But greed does come from believing that you earned the right to your things and that you have no one to thank.

I believe the Bible to be one giant book of a central idea. Be thankful and trusting in the Lord God for He loves you. Yeah... YOU! He is IN LOVE WITH YOU! God is the reason you are breathing today. He is the reason I am alive today with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. I am so incredibly blessed to have someone love me this much. Someone as awesome as Jesus Christ died for me. 1 out of 6 billion people. That is how small I am and still He did. That kind of Love has been crushing me and I never want it to stop.

I guess the point I am trying to make is be thankful. In every obstacle, blessing, and test be thankful. God loves you and wants you badly. He wants you. You.

On the bus ride home today, a friend of mine asked me what my definition of art is. I said "everything." He asked how everything could be art since no human has ever designed a tree before. I said because "The most beautiful things in this world aren't man made. There has got to be something more." I hope this blog starts some kind of uncontrollable chain of events. In the mean time. Thank God.

Daniel 3

I feel like I have wasted time. Precious time that I will never get back. All the change and growth that could have been taking place was put on hold for my selfishness. Like all that I had wasn't enough so I cast the greatest gift aside.

Wow! So cool. Just doing a little more bible reading and I came across the story of The Image of Gold and the Blazing Furnace. The story is about king Nebuchadnezzar and his tyrany. He creates a shrine of gold and places it upon the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon. (Babylon, the place where the people of Isreal were retaken and called to slavery after perverting the name of God) and calls everyone to come gather in dedication of the image he had set up. He orders every knee to bow and worship his Gods under penalty of being thrown into a Blazing Furnace.

When the people heard "the sound of horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp and all kinds of music, all the nations and people of every language fell down and worshiped the image of gold..." Some atrologers later found king Nebuchadnezzar and told him that some of the Jews were not obeying his command.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are summoned the Nebuchadnezzar to come confess to their crimes. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are given the chance to fall to their knees is obediance to the king but they don't. In fact they tell King Nebuchadnezzar "we don't need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If the God we serve is able to deliver us, then He will deliver us from the furnace and from your majestys hand. But even if He doesn't, we want you to know, your majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the idol you have set up."

What happened to this kind of faith? In times of trials we turn our backs to God as if he enjoys our suffering. I think what Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego is romantic. Not only do they faith that God, our amazing God, would save them but that they love God enough to not be proud in their faith but allow God to take action as He would choose to.

It's one thing to be faced in troubled times and believe that God will hear your cries and help you, but it's entirely different when you give the all powerful God the choice. Not that He needs your permission, but to trust in Him so much that you are going to love Him no matter how He appears to you in your troubled times.

If you never watched Veggie Tales as a kid, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego we're thrown into the furnace 7x what the original heating was killing 3 soldiers in the process. King Nebuchadnezzar looks into the flames and sees not three bodies but four. All of whom are fully dressed, without burn or pain. He immediatly calls the guard to open the doors and calls out to the three. The crowd gathered around and saw that this was true.

"Praise be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who has sent his angel and rescued His servants. They trusted in Him and defied the kings command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any other god other than their own God... no other God can save in this way."

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were faithful in our Lord God. And their prize is greater in heaven for beleiving without sight.

How awesome is our God. That out of every human being in the world. He loves you. That He would save your life. That He laid His only son for our sin. I love Jesus. He is so good to me.

Your Eyes.

Ah! Siritual conversations get me so pumped! There is nothing like it! Talking about the most amazing Love on the earth with someone who is inspiring in their walk is whats keeping me from sleep. I am too antsy to even breathe! God is just so good!

Today started of normal. I woke up in Laurens house. Normal. I was the first to wake up. Normal. Get ready for church. Normal. Go straight up to the first row in service sing worship. Normal. Went to another trechturous (Not sure how to spell that and I don't want to look it up tonight) shopping extravaganza with some very important people in my life. Normalish. (I hate shopping) And then I got home (Laurens) and headed off to worship practice. Normal. Get inside and test the eqiupment with the guys. Normal. The music starts and then I realize... there is nothing normal about today. The reason is becasue I am not only breathing. I am breathing air that the most miraculous God of the Universe created so complexly that it gives my weak body strength and my mind fuel to grow! There is something so abnormal about the way that the trees change colors and how snow can fall from clouds in the sky that is full of galxies and stars and the heavens. There is nothing normal about a day in the life of Gods creation.

God is so awesome.