Merry Christmas Baby.

Someone I feel very honored to call my friend said something so honest that I couldn't believe it actually came out of her mouth. She was completely vulnerable in front of me and had the guts to say something I wouldn't allow myself to think.

"This Christmas is different," she said, "I'm getting really lonely and... I just want someone to love."

Just now I was reading a bulletin on MySpace. It was titled "Good Boyfriend." In it was a fairly long list on how a boyfriend should act. Too mooshy gooshy for me to find attractive now really, but I found myself looking at a list which I probably would have turned into butter over a little earlier in the game. But today I almost felt repulsed. Criteria like "When she’s cursing at you trying to act all tough, Kiss her and tell her you love her," and "Call her at 12:​00am on her birth​day to tell her you love her." These simple lovey dovey tricks could work... maybe, actually I have no idea. Because honestly, I don't curse, and if I was cursing at my significant other and "trying" to "act all tough", I would not really appreciate a kiss and an "I love you." I'd probably get even more ticked off and tell him to leave, or rather, tell him to shut up and listen to my ranting. (That probably wouldn't last long anyway.) I also hate my birthday, something I would definitely make known.

Back to the Christmas season... To my friend, I could have not put it into simpler terms. Getting a little older I have found quirks that I value above others. Not saying that I am wise beyond my 16 years but a little wiser? Why yes, I think I could say that with a clear head. But that fact of the matter is, we are designed for the rush and thrill of loving someone and having them love you back. It's in every aspect of life. Finding that one person to spend the rest of your existence with. My whole life has been thriving to find someone to physically make me feel loved. I didn't grow up with a lot of dependable men in my life, so the rush of finding someone who loved me became very imperative very early on. The winter is by far the worst season for this kind of feeling, but I have to say that this one has gotten significantly easier.

I recently found out a little more about myself and about the Love of a certain God. All the searching I had done up until about this summer became less and less of a priority as I found more and more of that love boxed away. It had been here all along. I was so entranced by the idea of physical touch that I forgot that I had all the love I'll ever need. In a way, I have made God my boyfriend. (I swear I'm not nuts.) We have a great relationship. We've known each other for a long time, developed a great friendship and now that I can trust him with my whole self, we get to have incredible spiritual conversations. He makes me a better person and gives me hope in every aspect of my life... even my love life. He has promised me that He has my best interests at heart, and that none of my pain will go unseen. He's been silently letting me learn that I deserve someone exactly like who I want and that despite all the lonely winters I will face, that he is out there... waiting just like me.

Good Boyfriend (Hillary style)
1) Loves God with all his heart.
2) Loves as unconditionally as possible.
3) Loves Brand New.

This Christmas I love everyone. Jesus especially.