Take Me Back

Sorry that I'm not good at this. I'm not good at letting go of anything. That wasn't what I was doing. You should know it was just stubbornness that drove us apart. I still want it. I thought you did. But I did say exactly that, and you kept shoving it back at me. Now tell me that I didn't try, you're remembering now. How is someone supposed to apologize for two people and never be accepted time after time and still have strength to stick around? I thought I told you how I felt. I thought you understood. We both didn't want to hear what was said, but I let me succumb to it. I'm sorry that my apologies aren't enough. I should have known that what you meant by shoving them back in my face, was a cry for me to stay. Sorry I missed that. We can still get through this. But I can't be the only one that’s sorry. I'm stubborn, unreliable, incredibly forgetful, hard to read, and just plain blind. But you knew this when you said I love you, and you should know that I am trying to fix me. But I can't apologize anymore while you sit there with an empty voice and first class send my sorrys back to my heart. I still love you, and everything about you. I love that you are just as stubborn, if not more, as I am. I love that we have been through life together. That without you, I would be even more messed up than I am now. I love that you know how scatterbrained I am and that in the past you have given me someone to cry to when I can't stand all that is crashing down. Please don't let me put to chords all that is going through my head. I just want to hear your voice, not a melody to what failed.

Big Man Upstairs

I've fallen from an epiphany that helped me look at life a little simpler and I think it's time I fell back in. Why let people hold your happiness? People who are born to sin without thinking? The people who are born to let you down in one way or another? You might as well put your emotions out to sea with a busted raft. You're not going to get any other source of satisfaction other than what you’re asking for. It's a recipe for disaster and broken hopes. Why would anyone want to be so careless with their own heart? I know we don't do this on purpose, but why not secure your "feelings" in something more secure. A friendship that was born to stand still and secure throughout your whole lifetime? I've decided to put all my happiness in the hands of one. He's my Father, my Joy, my Love, and my God. Thanks for knocking sense into me Jesus; it's about time I got things straight.

Day Old Hate...

Why does your strength seem to crumble right when you need it the most? You were supposed to be my stronghold. You said forever. And you meant it. In some way you meant it. And still, right when I want to break down and surrender like I always have, a new base helps me stand tall. You have no idea how much I need you right now. And you won't even hear me. You won't take the time to understand what I have to say. It's not your fault. I let you get away with it all these years. I'm sorry I cracked when I did... it should have been sooner. We could have gotten past this. But now I see that our everything was built on the sand. I'm starting new. And if you decide to talk I will never be the same. We will never be the same. Nothing is the same. I can't help but feel like we failed. We promised we never would. But I'm done trying.