They'll never take the good years.

Sometimes I wish I didn't analyze everything. That I could just do something because I wanted to. That I could even say the things I want to. Without any fear. That I could be selfish. That I could go after what I want. That I could actually peruse what I want. To give into my feelings and admit to them, admit that I actually have the right to feel. Feel anyway that I am.

The right to feel something...

So much of the time I feel like I'm not adequate. That I don't deserve to feel the way I do if it costs anyone

anything.

Anything at all.

I would rather bite my tongue and bite my heart than admit to something that I actually want. Because in some way I feel like I'm saving everyone. That if I'm the only one hurting, I've done my job correctly. If everyone around me is happy, and I lose, I still win.

It must be awesome to win once in a while. To get exactly what you want without feeling any unrest. But that's so unlike me. I could never go there.

I am sensible. I found that about myself with these past couple weeks. I am not impulsive in the slightest. I always think it through. Sometimes I think wrong, but I am quick to ask forgiveness.

God is my strength, He's the only reason I am able to break as much as I do and still stand. But something tells me that, along with my incredible family, God doesn't want me to live like this. I think He wants me to feel like I've won something a great deal more important.

I need rescuing. There. I said it. Now does anyone know where you can buy one of those.....

backbones.

Yeah, that's the word.

Can you hear me now?

Why is it that with all our means of contact, with all our emails, chatting, phone calls, texting and phones that include all these means to keep in touch, leave us feeling alone.

I am not speaking soley of my emotion right now. I simply was faced with this question in my American Lit class this morning.

I'm not going to tell you...... actually I want to.

People need people!

We are born for relationship building! We need to miss people, know people, and love people. We need face time!!! There is no emotion in your fingertips, and worse than that, we expect truth to come to us in a matter of seconds. Where we disect the soundless jumble of words and suck them dry until we have no relationships with our friends, but with a 3" peice of plastic.

Think about it. When you are angry with your cyber friend and you both have your texting swords out, what ends up breaking? Your "relationship" with that person, or your phone?

What happens when face time happens?
Friend1: "Hey! How are you?"
Friend2: "Hey! I'm good how are you?"
Friend1: "I'm good how are you?"
Friend2: "You just asked me that..."

It doesn't mean anything. You don't mean it, so why would they answer with their actual feelings? And forbid they should actually begin to tell you about their day, you'd have to actually have a conversation. Actually care.

I am getting a little amped up right now so I'll just leave with this.

Next time you ask someone how they're doing. And they say good. Ask why they are doing good.

Caring... It's a good habit to get into.

Love.

Today, is the purest representation of Love that there is. It breaks down everything we've ever come to know. Those of you who have witnessed the sacrifice of one life for another has tasted this Love. A Love so besides itself, with one purpose, to save.

The love of the earth is hurtful, selfish, and boastful. It takes and gives nothing to fulfill it's lust and satisfy the hunger put deep inside from the one who lies.

But.

The Love of the world is pure. It is righteous and alive. It is in the smile of a child, the hands of the mission, and eyes of a new Father. Love has not fled this earth. It does not require relentless searching. For it is all around and all are capable.

I heard something that made me very sad in my American Lit class. Walt Whitman had a dream much like the ideal world. Where there was nothing but Love and understanding. Peace and Patience. Smiles and what everyone else called, ignorance. So many were ready to argue that the world will, and can never be the way Whitman wishes. That as humans, we are incapable of replacing our malice and hatred with Love.

Why not try?

A feild report to You my God.

New music! New music! New music!

My ears are ringing with pure happiness. It could be that school is going awesome! Or that my family is growing closer again! Or it could be that the people closest to me are happy. And God! I thank Him that they are! Because, friendships are where my happiness is. Where Christ is at the center, there is trust. And He has blessed me with incredible people! I love people. And I love music. New music. Old music. All music.

New friendships is like new music in my ears. I like to study them, understand them, interpret them, and learn their voice so well that I can pick it out of a distant speaker. I love getting to know them. Their backgrounds, their influences, their dreams and goals.

How incredible is this life we live? Where does success come from?

ANSR: 1) BEYOND INCREDIBLE. 2) Relationships. A friend once told me that "one day, I stopped doing what I should do, and started doing what I wanted." Think about that.

Think of something you want. Something you really really want. Now. Believe you can achieve it. Believe it with all your heart. Now. Go out there... and get it.

1 Corinthians 16:13

Swing.

I am going with the flow. I see so much growing going on around me. So many new relationships. Friendships. I love seeing life blossom. And this time I promised myself that I would not feel without. Because I never am.

I have Him, and for me, that's all I need.

I love Love.