What more do I need?

I have started this blog three different ways now. Goodness! I just cannot find the words to describe how truly blessed I am. Let's just do a little bio and Jesus can point this in the right direction...

I started this blog as a way of not talking to people. As a way of shutting people out. So that I wouldn't have to talk to the people that I was hurt and confused by. It seemed that I only had two speeds when I was reading over my previous entries. Really high on Jesus, or really low about relationships. Then one day I realized something. I was writing so much about my problems, or overcoming my problems, that I wasn't giving my brain anything to think about besides... my problems. My moods and outlooks went back and forth, high and low! Nothing was ever making sense and I found myself almost having multiple personalities. Not to the extreme of course, but I would even joke around with my friends, "oh sorry you have Hillary 2 today." When my moods started on the rise I made an unconscious decision to change my motives. I started reading and writing more about my cause.

I have always loved to write. I write music, poems, and now I blog. It's this weird little obsession I have about making my difference in the world. I grew up with my mom playing her music at little coffee shops all over the place. So basically I've been obsessed with coffee and music my whole life. Music has had a huge influence in my life while I was younger and it just became a part of me. I started writing when I was really young. When I find random scratches of it on notebooks I mostly laugh, but once in a while I think "whoa! I was a depressed poetic little kid."

Depressed?

Yes, my dad worked a lot overseas on the San Juan Islands. It took me a long to figure out that he wasn't coming home and even longer to understand why. Therefor, a lot of my songs delt with worth, longing for something, missing something or the need of being loved. I was writing heartbreak songs before the age of ten.

I taught myself a little piano by about 11 or 12 after watching and getting a lot of time from my sister Laurel and my brother Rory. When I was 14 I wanted to learn guitar so I started asking my soon to be step dad Dean for some help. I guess I've never really had a flare for lessons. I started playing for family gatherings and it wasn't long before my songs actually made rooms of people cry. Like I said, my songs were generally about feeling forgotten, unloved, and heartbreak. The first song I actually wrote that was uplifting is now known as "happy song number one."

Last night I attended Generation church in the U District. Awesome place to go! Great speakers and great worship! But more importantly, God's been finding every way possible to beat somethign into my head. I've been completely aware that He's been trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what He was saying.

"Yes God, I understand the religion vs. relationship. Yeah, I know that one too. What do you mean live for you? I thought I was! Hey I'm having writers block, how about you give me an awesome song? Please?"

Like I said, I was completely missing the point. I was so completely blinded by the idea that my music is supossed to effect people and be this powerful unignorable thing that I lost sight of what I write about. What does anyone write about? Stories.

When I started to blog about my day, and the seemingly ordinary parts of it, I started to realize the glory of God in every part of my life. When I started to get into the Word more everyday, I realized I was reading stories that somehow, tie in with my life right now. Everything is about stories and life. So what excuse is writers block when everyday there is something new to be told? When God is in love with me? The question isn't about what can I write about? It's about what do I write about!

God has blessed my life so entirely. With the people he puts in my path, the experiences that I have and the stories that I'm told. I guess this blog will be about inspiration. What more inspiration do I need to shout a shout of Praise to the Maker of the Earth? God is so good.

God Bless.

Mmmmm. You smell good.

I was at a retreat up by Stevens Pass all weekend. Let me just say. Praise Jesus!

Ah. Maybe it's just what people call "camp high" but I feel stronger. Could be just because I watched The Gods Aren't Angry by Rob Bell for the third time. Could be because I got in a lot of devotions. Or that I got to lead awesome worship with my guitar.

But then I think of the conversation that I will think about every morning before I go off into the world. And how it started off with. "Mmmmm. You smell good."

We were up and out of the lodge around 11 and arrived at Stevens Pass no longer then ten minutes. (Thanks to Liz's lead foot.) Everyone is packing on their Snowboard/Ski gear while Carli, Lauren, and I blast The Rocket Summer's Cross My Heart. (We are lame and going to sit in the lodge all day. I say it's because it's all to costly, but really I'm just extremely uncoordinated and would kill myself.) So when everyone is ready and Kellan get's unstuck from the trunk of Cheryl’s truck, Lauren grabs her laptop complete with Horton Hears a Who, Nancy Drew, and every Hillsong DVD known to man, Carli grabs her ears, and I grab my guitar.

As if a blonde girl walking around with a guitar instead of a snowboard is not standing out from the crowd enough already. I am in jeans, a TWLOHA sweater, and penny loafers. Yes, penny loafers, in the snow, with no hat, and no snow jacket, just a guitar. Everyone was giving me very confused looks and one man asked me "What time I was playing." After Carli, Lauren, and I search every lodge for a place that is warm, has an outlet, and enough room for me sit comfortably with my guitar all over the lodge, preferably not smelling of feet and nachos, we find a more than ideal spot in the middle lodge.

Thank you again God. That was awesome.

Anyway. The day carried on with Nancy Drew, Vanilla Lattes, Hillsong United, notes from awkward little boys, and Erin and I finally finishing a song with the perfect bridge. So when we leaving, we were more than a bunch of girls. We were a bunch of smelly, sweaty ones. The ones who actually experienced the snow anyway.

Right before we gathered for small group I took a shower with Pantene Pro-V, which apparently has a certain effect on Molly's nose. We started talking about tithe, then on to womanism, to what we want in a man, to what we want to be for God, to smells.

I sometimes get asked the most talked about subject in teenage girls minds. "What is your favorite thing in a guy? What do you notice about them first?" For me... I love when I can see Jesus radiating off of them. I want a man of God first and foremost. It's more than just attractiveness. It's because I am so in love with Jesus Christ that when I meet someone who is passionate in their walk I can not get enough of the conversation. Being around someone, anyone, who radiates Jesus and wants to talk about Him like He's alive and sitting with us is intoxicating, some people even use words like, addictive.

Humans are sensory creatures. (Thank you Rob Bell.) We all thrive off of texture, sight, sounds, music, and smells. What makes men and women of God so addictive to other men and women of God? Could it be that we both know what God looks like? That we know what our God is all about? That we have all felt God work in our lives? That we've smelt Him? Some of you will find that last assumption odd. How can you smell Jesus?

Well thanks to a Podcast by Judah Smith, Carli took perfumes and smells to a whole new level.

What if God is a scent?

What if we are not only supposed to be a light in this world? That we are supposed intoxicate this world with the smell of Jesus? That we are supposed to walk by and infiltrate the noses of perfect strangers? That our Love for Jesus Christ is supposed to be addictive?

Think about this.

You have the scent of Grace on you. You have your own unique smell of Jesus that God has blessed you with. You may be thinking. Well is my scent strong? Is my scent different from other people? Is my scent good? Am I drawing people in with my scent? Has Hillary lost it?

All awesome questions. Explore them. I don't want to preach in this blog, or write a novel so I will just leave you with this.

Go out into the world every morning that you are blessed to live, and don't forget to put on Grace before you go.

You are more intoxicating than you think.