Un-needed Stress.

I really liked my hair. I did, I finally learned how to do it to my likeness. What did I do. I decided to cut and color it... from a box! I feel like a little girl with this hair cut of mine except for the fact that the color is grayish. Which is why I will be cracking a lot of 'AH! My back!" jokes. I was feeling all upset and pitiful and then I realized. It's HAIR! It grows, It changes color. Why the heck do I worry so stinkin much. I'm trying really hard not to go anywhere that has a reflection but I kinda feel better. Goodness, I'm dumb.

Post Script.

Please ignore all earlier posts except the uplifting ones. I just reread some and boy am I depressing. Heh, sorry bout that Lordy. I have new hope, and I plan on spreading it like wild fire!

The truth has set me free!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Jesus you have no idea how long I have needed that. Haha, okay so maybe you do. I just want to thank you so so so much! I know these past couple weeks have been messes of emotions but I've finally got it all sorted out. I feel fresh, it might be because I am grounded and had to get it all sorted, but thank you for having my mother ground me too! I am just so thankful for you and all the wonderful people you've placed in my life. Thank you for filling my heart and allowing me to learn so much! I have finally surrendered and boy does it feel perfect! I know exactly who I want to be now and I finally feel the strength to be able to do it! AHHHH!!! I could honestly burst with happiness!

Can't wait to be grounded tommorow, and the next day, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next! But if you could please convince my mother to let me go to the twilight movie premiere thursday night that would be amazing! Thank you, again.

Goodnight all! May God bless you in your sleep! CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

All I know is that...

...I have no idea what I'm supposed to be feeling. Or how i'm supposed to act. I, in some way, surrender to my feelings and I am going to let them take their course. I am going to deal with my 'lemons' from now on instead of trying to warp something that is beyond my control. I have no idea what i'm getting myself into. But suppose, no one is supposed to know.

You've reached my heart.

I don't really know how to describe the feeling of knowing the destination, seeing how bright and full of hope it is, and not be able to find the road. It feels like each road I take, hoping it will be the right one, gets me to a certain extent and stops. With the destination right out of reach. The path is blocked by movies, memories, and old cds. I have never had a hard time loving... anything. It's the moving on part that gets me. I understand what my heart wants and by this time I desperately just want it to stop. When is that right time to stop listening to your heart? This is a gray area for me. I don't know who to listen to, or if my heads advice will even follow through. It really hasn't gotten me that far. All I know is that he warmed my heart, and I don't know how to let that go. I'm just a kid. Why did I have to get myself into something this messy?

God, I'm trying really hard to just love You and do Your works, but I just can't understand why this aching stays with me. Am I supposed to ache? Would you put this in my heart? Or am I keeping it hear against your will?

I am so in need of a different song tonight. I can't stop pressing play; it brings me enough comfort that I turning it off might end this night in something I hate. I want to stop missing you. Please don't read this.