The Room of Grace.

Can I just tell you how awesome it is to be in His presence? I mean we are always with Him whether we recognize it or not, but too actually feel and notice that He is breathing life into your lungs, it's indescribable. I love this feeling like happiness could just burst out of me. I can't help but smile all the time. I want to be more like Him. I want to be joyful so I can give others joy. Last night I was told by God that I can't spread hope unless I have hope in myself. I have always been one to listen and try and solve everyone else's problems. But when mine needed the solving, I ignored them. If you try and heal your own life, complications will occur and that old wound will never fully heal. I've finally let God relieve all of my worries and my pain. I am so secure in Him and knowing that He is with me gives me strength in myself. Being happy doesn't mean never being upset. It means recognizing that God will use that sadness and with His grace bring out Joy. Thank You so much Lord, I feel like I can unselfishly live my life for You and glorify You with everything that I do.

2nd Corinthians 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound to us, even so our comfort also abounds through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer.

Revalation.

I'm good at knowing what I should do, and doing the opposite. Not that I'm robbing banks or anything, but I'm cheating myself out of an easy way out. I've felt this way for so long that I was afraid of giving up on something again. I didn't know what life would be like if you weren't in it. Now I know. It's not like I expected, it's so much better. You are my friend, we are good friends. I was so afraid it would jeopardize all that we've been through and that being a friend wouldn't be enough. When it turns out that it is so much easier to be happy for you rather than unhappy with myself. You deserve so much, and I'm finally discovering that so do I. I'm going to start taking my own advice and diving head first into a relationship with God. He is the one that closed the door and opened many. I just never saw it till now.

I'll find my way.

I, I want to wish you well
I didn’t watch you go
Cause I suppose
I don’t know how

I, I will remember you
Not the way you left
but how you lived
And what you knew

I, I want to feel your hands
I want to feel your fire burning
Right from where I stand

I’ll find my way
Cause you showed me how

I, I want toknow it’s you
When I hear your voice inside my head
Inside my room

I, want to touch the sky
I want to see the stars twinkle
Like they were your eyes

I’ll find my way
You showed me
I’ll find my way
Cause you showed me how

I, I want to smell your scent
I want to breathe the air I did before
Before you left

I, I want to wish you well
The only reason my heart beats
Is cause you showed it how

I’ll find my way
You show me
I’ll find my way
You show me
I’ll find my way
Cause you showed me how
You show me how
You showed me how

I don't stand a chance.

I can't be too specific. But I hate it. Everything about it. Except your happiness. It's what keeps me going. Just hoping it'll be enough to take the edge off the sting. I hate the pain, but I love you. Love is stronger. I'll endure. For your sake, I'll endure.